Friday, November 20, 2009
Working Out
Well, I am soon off to the gym...haha...I remember when I was 12 and Landen was 10 we went through quite a little chubby stage...we have pictures but too gross to post! I remember this one Chirstmas we returned from Christmas and my mother was horrified that we were the fattest family of the families present to celebrate. To solve this situation my mother gave us all a strict, healthy diet and forced my brother and I to play outside full afternoons after school. We had to awake at 6:00 for early morning walks or exercise routines. All in all they were healthy habits to establish...I remember us complaining about working out but as soon as we began to shape up we were thankful. We never had great bodies but thank God we were never fully fat again! ...trying to make it stay that way.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Worshipping You
Last night I visited a church service and the pastor reminded me of Landen...so much...his appearance, presence, and heart...Amazing that another person could be so much like another. Watching this pastor last night made me realize that was what I miss more than anything about Landen...I miss watching him live his life fully as worship to God. He never did things half-heartedly. It was all or nothing!
Mom and Dad taught us this because if we did ANY job half way we had to go back and complete the job. How I remember cleanup projects that we thought we did good enough...but it was just half way and we were instructed to clean thoroughly! We had a job of picking up the dog poop in the backyard. Many times I remember trying to hidse the poop witht he small shovel under the gravel and my parents would discover the job half done and instruct us to comple the job because "A job half-done is a job undone".
I loved to be in worship services with my brother...He never cared what people thought of him...He was worshipping his God. Last night we sang this one song over and over again called "Worshipping You" and it seemed like a song he would have liked.
Landen could play pretty much any instrument you put before him...not professionally but well and he definitely didn't think that he could play that well but he could usually... I remember many nights of me at the keyboard and him at the guitar or drums playing and singing our hearts out before our Saviour. Just think we'll get to do that for an eternity!!! ...and we'll see our Savior together face to face!
Mom and Dad taught us this because if we did ANY job half way we had to go back and complete the job. How I remember cleanup projects that we thought we did good enough...but it was just half way and we were instructed to clean thoroughly! We had a job of picking up the dog poop in the backyard. Many times I remember trying to hidse the poop witht he small shovel under the gravel and my parents would discover the job half done and instruct us to comple the job because "A job half-done is a job undone".
I loved to be in worship services with my brother...He never cared what people thought of him...He was worshipping his God. Last night we sang this one song over and over again called "Worshipping You" and it seemed like a song he would have liked.
Landen could play pretty much any instrument you put before him...not professionally but well and he definitely didn't think that he could play that well but he could usually... I remember many nights of me at the keyboard and him at the guitar or drums playing and singing our hearts out before our Saviour. Just think we'll get to do that for an eternity!!! ...and we'll see our Savior together face to face!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Christmastime
It has been rainy and grey outside for so long...it always makes me feel so reflective...Lately I have been such a "joy" to be a round because I remind myself of my Grandma Mockry. I get to talking about memories and keep going on and on. I see others are yanking to get away but stay to be polite and I don't notice until I've gone on too long...This is the purpose of the Blog...not to drag people but to get it out because it conjures warmth of the soul and keeps my brother alive in my heart.
I set up my tree last night. I made sure there were plenty of lights. Christmas decorating was Landen's favorite. I have plenty of stories! ...since I am not talking to anyone I am going to take the time to type them out!
My mother has always been good at embracing each moment and making it memorable. She made especially the holidays special. Landen carried that on...
Dad usually put together our tree (fake as it was...beautiful) then the lights which he usually became so frustrated with that mom ended up finishing. Dad would then find himself in the blue recliner fast asleep while the rest of us placed ornaments on the tree and talked about years gone by. We have an ornament from every year. Some of the ornaments contain pictures...some are adorable others are hideous! I have this one ornament in the shape of a star with my 4th grade picture...that one would be hideous! Landen and my mom would ALWAYS make sure it was placed on the tree. If I removed it and tried to hide it, one or the other would discover so and demand it to be replaced.
Every year mom did something different with the tree and this always kept Landen in suspense. She's added sprigs, random garland, lights and treetoppers. I remember one year we had 3 different sets of lights on the tree! I thought it was a little ridiculous and extravagant but Landen adored it!
My first year home for Christmas from college Landen in the midst of pneumonia outlined the entire house in Christmas lights. He just thought I needed Christmas! Last year, my friend Sue Sue gave me some money to get something to remind me of Landen and I bought lights for outside. How splendid to walk home and be welcomed by warm Christmas lights!
Last night after I was through decorating some more friends came over for hot drinks and Christmas shows. We were talking about Thanksgiving and I don't remember how it was brought up but one my friends reminded me that last year Ladnen had planned to bring me up there for Thanksgiving. The weekend he left we were confirming dates. That never happened...and I wish so much it would have...and in some ways I wished I had never remembered that could have happened. I loved spending time with Landen...especially the holidays. I am not to say every holiday will never be because he is gone...but it definitely is not even close to the same. He would be very upset if I stopped making memoires because he was gone. Even today I was thinking back to last Christmas when I went to Tulsa and much of our family joined us so that we could be together. I was snowed in Chicago and almost missed Christmas...the airlines lost my bags so I didn't get my gifts until after we had all unwrapped presents. When I finally recieved my bags ..not having time to wrap my gifts...I placed my gifts inside a large bag and played Santa Clause. It was different but Landen would have loved it! He would have also loved that my little cousin Sarah made notes for everyone so she had something for everyone too...and she became Santa's little helper.
There are so many other memories. My heart rages with them at times. I miss Landen so much. What makes me hurt worse is to hear people complain about their family or not want to spend time with them. People who take advantage of gifts from our Father. If they only knew...
What in the world I would do without my loving Saviour, this I do not know...but He is my rock...my strength and my song...He has become my salvation...He gives me hope each day.
I set up my tree last night. I made sure there were plenty of lights. Christmas decorating was Landen's favorite. I have plenty of stories! ...since I am not talking to anyone I am going to take the time to type them out!
My mother has always been good at embracing each moment and making it memorable. She made especially the holidays special. Landen carried that on...
Dad usually put together our tree (fake as it was...beautiful) then the lights which he usually became so frustrated with that mom ended up finishing. Dad would then find himself in the blue recliner fast asleep while the rest of us placed ornaments on the tree and talked about years gone by. We have an ornament from every year. Some of the ornaments contain pictures...some are adorable others are hideous! I have this one ornament in the shape of a star with my 4th grade picture...that one would be hideous! Landen and my mom would ALWAYS make sure it was placed on the tree. If I removed it and tried to hide it, one or the other would discover so and demand it to be replaced.
Every year mom did something different with the tree and this always kept Landen in suspense. She's added sprigs, random garland, lights and treetoppers. I remember one year we had 3 different sets of lights on the tree! I thought it was a little ridiculous and extravagant but Landen adored it!
My first year home for Christmas from college Landen in the midst of pneumonia outlined the entire house in Christmas lights. He just thought I needed Christmas! Last year, my friend Sue Sue gave me some money to get something to remind me of Landen and I bought lights for outside. How splendid to walk home and be welcomed by warm Christmas lights!
Last night after I was through decorating some more friends came over for hot drinks and Christmas shows. We were talking about Thanksgiving and I don't remember how it was brought up but one my friends reminded me that last year Ladnen had planned to bring me up there for Thanksgiving. The weekend he left we were confirming dates. That never happened...and I wish so much it would have...and in some ways I wished I had never remembered that could have happened. I loved spending time with Landen...especially the holidays. I am not to say every holiday will never be because he is gone...but it definitely is not even close to the same. He would be very upset if I stopped making memoires because he was gone. Even today I was thinking back to last Christmas when I went to Tulsa and much of our family joined us so that we could be together. I was snowed in Chicago and almost missed Christmas...the airlines lost my bags so I didn't get my gifts until after we had all unwrapped presents. When I finally recieved my bags ..not having time to wrap my gifts...I placed my gifts inside a large bag and played Santa Clause. It was different but Landen would have loved it! He would have also loved that my little cousin Sarah made notes for everyone so she had something for everyone too...and she became Santa's little helper.
There are so many other memories. My heart rages with them at times. I miss Landen so much. What makes me hurt worse is to hear people complain about their family or not want to spend time with them. People who take advantage of gifts from our Father. If they only knew...
What in the world I would do without my loving Saviour, this I do not know...but He is my rock...my strength and my song...He has become my salvation...He gives me hope each day.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Christmas Tree Cakes
This season is my absolute favorite! I always knew we were close to Christmas because Zee's (the eating place at CBC -Central Bible College) would get CHRISTMAS TREE CAKES! My brother and great friend Kimberly and I would argue back and forth about how CHRISTMAS TREE CAKES were the absolute best of the Little Debbie
cakes. Landen insisted they were no different than any of the other cakes...especially the Zebra Cakes. He said they were just in a different shape. Kimberly and I took the position that were different than Zebra Cakes...they were in a different shape but they included sprinkles and a different kind of frosting...they were just better and made the season absolutely GLORIOUS!
cakes. Landen insisted they were no different than any of the other cakes...especially the Zebra Cakes. He said they were just in a different shape. Kimberly and I took the position that were different than Zebra Cakes...they were in a different shape but they included sprinkles and a different kind of frosting...they were just better and made the season absolutely GLORIOUS!
For Christmas Landen bought Zebra Cakes, a Christmas Tree cookie cutter and Red Sprinkles and packaged them together and gave them to us, "Here, now you girls can have your Christmas Tree Cakes!"
We always laughed about that and teasingly argued about the Christmas Tree Cakes vs. Zebra Cakes.
This picture was taken during my visit to Albany a couple of December's ago. It was blizzarding so I couldn't make my flight in Boston to fly home so Landen and I walked to the church for the Internet to look for a ticket to purchase for the next morning out of Albany. I wish I would have just taken the hint that God must have wanted me to stay with Landen longer. I could have called into work and said I was no going to make it in because of the weather. He had the whole next day off and it was bad weather in Minneapolis as well...O well...what has been done is done...but that and not making it home for our last Christmas together are my only regrets. Anyway...on our way back we stopped at a grocery store to pick up some snacks! My brother loved snacks!!! Amidst the cheese, crackers, sausage, pickles, coca cola/dr.pepper, and sugar cookies were CHRISTMAS TREE CAKES!
The Last Cup 11.11.09
This morning I awoke and began making breakfast as usual…cracked some eggs, mixed in some milk and began to fry up some French Toast and Scrambled eggs with a side of coffee. I reached for my bag of coffee beans to grind but it was lighter than it had been…actually much lighter…probably only enough beans for one last pot of coffee. I couldn’t bring myself to use them so I brewed some older peppermint coffee -with which I was not greatly impressed.
The coffee I usually use on mornings as these is coffee Landen sent to me! Landen worked at Starbucks for the last year of his life and would send me a bag of coffee every now and then. I loved it first of all because it was from Landen…but it was coffee and it was mail! There could be no better combination!!! It’s funny how little things like this make you think of memories or people. It is rather a precious concoction so that is why those special beans are preserved for a special moment in time. I miss my coffee buddy and dear, dear friend who was my brother. God truly graced me with the very best!
Candles in the Playhouse 11.10.09
I am sitting here at my table watching a small flame dance around in a candle jar and it makes me think of me and Landen’s ridiculous fascination with burning candles in the playhouse my dad built for me so long ago. A small memory, but fun. We would talk around the candle in the playhouse or run our fingers through and see who could go through the flame the most times without being burned or we would dip the tips of our fingers in the wax and make wax fingers. None of this could be done in the house of course and heaven knows if we were supposed to be doing this in the playhouse, but we did. We bought all of our candles and matches from the dollar store with our allowance! What a thing to spend our allowance on, huh? Hahaha…we would ride our bikes a little over a mile to the Dollar General on Stone Street then purchase our matches and candles and venture back for some exciting times! Our cousins, Stephen and Shane joined us several times as well.
The Man Pill
I called my parents today because I was a little too sad. I was missing Landen. Dad was making pancakes while talking on the phone. I imagined him rampaging the kitchen as he hurriedly flipped pancakes as he does …then I heard him swallow something. I asked what he was doing…He began to answer…then he laughed for a second… “O I was just taking a man’s pill….Remember that, Riss?”. O, did I? Landen never let me forget it!
One morning when I was 12 or 13 we were finishing breakfast and I took what I thought to be my vitamins setting on the counter. Mom yelled in from the other room, “Leonard, your vitamins are on the counter.” I froze…then I rushed over to the sink and began to try to cough up the vitamins I had just taken. Landen asked, “What in the world are you doing?”
I looked at him in horror. “I took a man’s pill!”
Landen was quiet for a just a moment then he burst into laughter. My mom came into the room and asked what was going on. Landen sarcastically explained, “Oh, Larissa thinks she took a ‘man’s pill’.”
“Well, I did!” I was nearly in tears at this point but my mom started laughing.
I on the other hand was horrified and could not believe no one was taking me seriousily. “What is so funny? This is serious!”
Mom stopped laughing long enough to say, “It is a vitamin, honey not a pill. It just contains special vitamins for men.”
“I know! That is what I am worried about!”
“One vitamin will not hurt you…several will not hurt you…they just contain certain amounts of vitamins which men need. … It’s not like you grow anything different.”
Later, Landen asked me what I thought was going to happen…I never answered but now that he is gone and can tease me no longer I will admit I truly thought I may turn into a man of some sort because of that ‘man’s pill’. Thank God it was no such thing!!!
My Happy Pants 10.19.09
I have this favorite pair of pants which now bear many holes. I have tried to decide if they are my favorite because they fit just right or because they look stylish or because they receive interesting little comments every now and then? I had not quite discovered exactly why until one day off while out to the library in my favorite pair of pants. A little girl from church saw me and said, “Miss Larissa! You have holes in your pants! Why do you have so many holes in your pants?”
I laughed and said, “It is because they are my favorite pants and it is my day off! I guess that would make them my ‘happy pants’!”
“Oh.” She thought for a moment then asked, “Why do those holey pants make you happy?”.
I then took a moment to think and slowly began to answer, “Well, they are comfortable pants and make me feel warm inside…” as I began to talk I began to remember… “They make me think of happy memories. The day I bought these pants my brother and I were out of school (college) for the entire day and neither one of us had to work…which was very rare…so we decided to spend the day together! We went shopping, out to eat, studied at Krispy Kreme and ended the day at the movies to see the Phantom of the Opera. While shopping, I found these pants. Landen encouraged me to purchase them, so I did…I guess that is why they are my ‘happy pants’. They make me remember a very special day with my brother.”
The little girl had intently listened and assured me she understood. Then another day which was not my day off she saw me wearing some holey pants… “Miss Larissa! Why are you wearing your ‘happy pants’? It’s not your day off?”
I thought Landen would have loved this story.
This morning I awoke and began making breakfast as usual…cracked some eggs, mixed in some milk and began to fry up some French Toast and Scrambled eggs with a side of coffee. I reached for my bag of coffee beans to grind but it was lighter than it had been…actually much lighter…probably only enough beans for one last pot of coffee. I couldn’t bring myself to use them so I brewed some older peppermint coffee -with which I was not greatly impressed.
The coffee I usually use on mornings as these is coffee Landen sent to me! Landen worked at Starbucks for the last year of his life and would send me a bag of coffee every now and then. I loved it first of all because it was from Landen…but it was coffee and it was mail! There could be no better combination!!! It’s funny how little things like this make you think of memories or people. It is rather a precious concoction so that is why those special beans are preserved for a special moment in time. I miss my coffee buddy and dear, dear friend who was my brother. God truly graced me with the very best!
Candles in the Playhouse 11.10.09
I am sitting here at my table watching a small flame dance around in a candle jar and it makes me think of me and Landen’s ridiculous fascination with burning candles in the playhouse my dad built for me so long ago. A small memory, but fun. We would talk around the candle in the playhouse or run our fingers through and see who could go through the flame the most times without being burned or we would dip the tips of our fingers in the wax and make wax fingers. None of this could be done in the house of course and heaven knows if we were supposed to be doing this in the playhouse, but we did. We bought all of our candles and matches from the dollar store with our allowance! What a thing to spend our allowance on, huh? Hahaha…we would ride our bikes a little over a mile to the Dollar General on Stone Street then purchase our matches and candles and venture back for some exciting times! Our cousins, Stephen and Shane joined us several times as well.
The Man Pill
I called my parents today because I was a little too sad. I was missing Landen. Dad was making pancakes while talking on the phone. I imagined him rampaging the kitchen as he hurriedly flipped pancakes as he does …then I heard him swallow something. I asked what he was doing…He began to answer…then he laughed for a second… “O I was just taking a man’s pill….Remember that, Riss?”. O, did I? Landen never let me forget it!
One morning when I was 12 or 13 we were finishing breakfast and I took what I thought to be my vitamins setting on the counter. Mom yelled in from the other room, “Leonard, your vitamins are on the counter.” I froze…then I rushed over to the sink and began to try to cough up the vitamins I had just taken. Landen asked, “What in the world are you doing?”
I looked at him in horror. “I took a man’s pill!”
Landen was quiet for a just a moment then he burst into laughter. My mom came into the room and asked what was going on. Landen sarcastically explained, “Oh, Larissa thinks she took a ‘man’s pill’.”
“Well, I did!” I was nearly in tears at this point but my mom started laughing.
I on the other hand was horrified and could not believe no one was taking me seriousily. “What is so funny? This is serious!”
Mom stopped laughing long enough to say, “It is a vitamin, honey not a pill. It just contains special vitamins for men.”
“I know! That is what I am worried about!”
“One vitamin will not hurt you…several will not hurt you…they just contain certain amounts of vitamins which men need. … It’s not like you grow anything different.”
Later, Landen asked me what I thought was going to happen…I never answered but now that he is gone and can tease me no longer I will admit I truly thought I may turn into a man of some sort because of that ‘man’s pill’. Thank God it was no such thing!!!
Dorthy 10.31.09
I never used to like to dress up in costume. It is still a stretch but I think the kids enjoy it. My cousin, Sarah loves for me to play dress up with her. I love to because she loves it so much. Anyway, I decided to dress as Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz for the Fall Family Festival. I put together the entire outfit complete with the red ruby slippers purchased at Target!
Landen loved Dorthy. Mostly he loved her for her ruby slippers. He noticed everyone’s shoes but especially if they were red high heels. He would always describe people by their shoes…you know the lady with the gold shoes that made a sharp point…or the man with the black cowboy boots….he always noticed the shoes! He would have loved knowing I dressed as Dorthy!
I never used to like to dress up in costume. It is still a stretch but I think the kids enjoy it. My cousin, Sarah loves for me to play dress up with her. I love to because she loves it so much. Anyway, I decided to dress as Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz for the Fall Family Festival. I put together the entire outfit complete with the red ruby slippers purchased at Target!
Landen loved Dorthy. Mostly he loved her for her ruby slippers. He noticed everyone’s shoes but especially if they were red high heels. He would always describe people by their shoes…you know the lady with the gold shoes that made a sharp point…or the man with the black cowboy boots….he always noticed the shoes! He would have loved knowing I dressed as Dorthy!
My Happy Pants 10.19.09
I have this favorite pair of pants which now bear many holes. I have tried to decide if they are my favorite because they fit just right or because they look stylish or because they receive interesting little comments every now and then? I had not quite discovered exactly why until one day off while out to the library in my favorite pair of pants. A little girl from church saw me and said, “Miss Larissa! You have holes in your pants! Why do you have so many holes in your pants?”
I laughed and said, “It is because they are my favorite pants and it is my day off! I guess that would make them my ‘happy pants’!”
“Oh.” She thought for a moment then asked, “Why do those holey pants make you happy?”.
I then took a moment to think and slowly began to answer, “Well, they are comfortable pants and make me feel warm inside…” as I began to talk I began to remember… “They make me think of happy memories. The day I bought these pants my brother and I were out of school (college) for the entire day and neither one of us had to work…which was very rare…so we decided to spend the day together! We went shopping, out to eat, studied at Krispy Kreme and ended the day at the movies to see the Phantom of the Opera. While shopping, I found these pants. Landen encouraged me to purchase them, so I did…I guess that is why they are my ‘happy pants’. They make me remember a very special day with my brother.”
The little girl had intently listened and assured me she understood. Then another day which was not my day off she saw me wearing some holey pants… “Miss Larissa! Why are you wearing your ‘happy pants’? It’s not your day off?”
I thought Landen would have loved this story.
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