Working Out

Well, I am soon off to the gym...haha...I remember when I was 12 and Landen was 10 we went through quite a little chubby stage...we have pictures but too gross to post! I remember this one Chirstmas we returned from Christmas and my mother was horrified that we were the fattest family of the families present to celebrate. To solve this situation my mother gave us all a strict, healthy diet and forced my brother and I to play outside full afternoons after school. We had to awake at 6:00 for early morning walks or exercise routines. All in all they were healthy habits to establish...I remember us complaining about working out but as soon as we began to shape up we were thankful. We never had great bodies but thank God we were never fully fat again! ...trying to make it stay that way.

Worshipping You

Last night I visited a church service and the pastor reminded me of Landen...so much...his appearance, presence, and heart...Amazing that another person could be so much like another. Watching this pastor last night made me realize that was what I miss more than anything about Landen...I miss watching him live his life fully as worship to God. He never did things half-heartedly. It was all or nothing!
Mom and Dad taught us this because if we did ANY job half way we had to go back and complete the job. How I remember cleanup projects that we thought we did good enough...but it was just half way and we were instructed to clean thoroughly! We had a job of picking up the dog poop in the backyard. Many times I remember trying to hidse the poop witht he small shovel under the gravel and my parents would discover the job half done and instruct us to comple the job because "A job half-done is a job undone".
I loved to be in worship services with my brother...He never cared what people thought of him...He was worshipping his God. Last night we sang this one song over and over again called "Worshipping You" and it seemed like a song he would have liked.
Landen could play pretty much any instrument you put before him...not professionally but well and he definitely didn't think that he could play that well but he could usually... I remember many nights of me at the keyboard and him at the guitar or drums playing and singing our hearts out before our Saviour. Just think we'll get to do that for an eternity!!! ...and we'll see our Savior together face to face!

Christmastime

It has been rainy and grey outside for so long...it always makes me feel so reflective...Lately I have been such a "joy" to be a round because I remind myself of my Grandma Mockry. I get to talking about memories and keep going on and on. I see others are yanking to get away but stay to be polite and I don't notice until I've gone on too long...This is the purpose of the Blog...not to drag people but to get it out because it conjures warmth of the soul and keeps my brother alive in my heart.
I set up my tree last night. I made sure there were plenty of lights. Christmas decorating was Landen's favorite. I have plenty of stories! ...since I am not talking to anyone I am going to take the time to type them out!
My mother has always been good at embracing each moment and making it memorable. She made especially the holidays special. Landen carried that on...
Dad usually put together our tree (fake as it was...beautiful) then the lights which he usually became so frustrated with that mom ended up finishing. Dad would then find himself in the blue recliner fast asleep while the rest of us placed ornaments on the tree and talked about years gone by. We have an ornament from every year. Some of the ornaments contain pictures...some are adorable others are hideous! I have this one ornament in the shape of a star with my 4th grade picture...that one would be hideous! Landen and my mom would ALWAYS make sure it was placed on the tree. If I removed it and tried to hide it, one or the other would discover so and demand it to be replaced.
Every year mom did something different with the tree and this always kept Landen in suspense. She's added sprigs, random garland, lights and treetoppers. I remember one year we had 3 different sets of lights on the tree! I thought it was a little ridiculous and extravagant but Landen adored it!
My first year home for Christmas from college Landen in the midst of pneumonia outlined the entire house in Christmas lights. He just thought I needed Christmas! Last year, my friend Sue Sue gave me some money to get something to remind me of Landen and I bought lights for outside. How splendid to walk home and be welcomed by warm Christmas lights!
Last night after I was through decorating some more friends came over for hot drinks and Christmas shows. We were talking about Thanksgiving and I don't remember how it was brought up but one my friends reminded me that last year Ladnen had planned to bring me up there for Thanksgiving. The weekend he left we were confirming dates. That never happened...and I wish so much it would have...and in some ways I wished I had never remembered that could have happened. I loved spending time with Landen...especially the holidays. I am not to say every holiday will never be because he is gone...but it definitely is not even close to the same. He would be very upset if I stopped making memoires because he was gone. Even today I was thinking back to last Christmas when I went to Tulsa and much of our family joined us so that we could be together. I was snowed in Chicago and almost missed Christmas...the airlines lost my bags so I didn't get my gifts until after we had all unwrapped presents. When I finally recieved my bags ..not having time to wrap my gifts...I placed my gifts inside a large bag and played Santa Clause. It was different but Landen would have loved it! He would have also loved that my little cousin Sarah made notes for everyone so she had something for everyone too...and she became Santa's little helper.
There are so many other memories. My heart rages with them at times. I miss Landen so much. What makes me hurt worse is to hear people complain about their family or not want to spend time with them. People who take advantage of gifts from our Father. If they only knew...
What in the world I would do without my loving Saviour, this I do not know...but He is my rock...my strength and my song...He has become my salvation...He gives me hope each day.

Christmas Tree Cakes

This season is my absolute favorite! I always knew we were close to Christmas because Zee's (the eating place at CBC -Central Bible College) would get CHRISTMAS TREE CAKES! My brother and great friend Kimberly and I would argue back and forth about how CHRISTMAS TREE CAKES were the absolute best of the Little Debbie
cakes. Landen insisted they were no different than any of the other cakes...especially the Zebra Cakes. He said they were just in a different shape. Kimberly and I took the position that were different than Zebra Cakes...they were in a different shape but they included sprinkles and a different kind of frosting...they were just better and made the season absolutely GLORIOUS!

For Christmas Landen bought Zebra Cakes, a Christmas Tree cookie cutter and Red Sprinkles and packaged them together and gave them to us, "Here, now you girls can have your Christmas Tree Cakes!"

We always laughed about that and teasingly argued about the Christmas Tree Cakes vs. Zebra Cakes.

This picture was taken during my visit to Albany a couple of December's ago. It was blizzarding so I couldn't make my flight in Boston to fly home so Landen and I walked to the church for the Internet to look for a ticket to purchase for the next morning out of Albany. I wish I would have just taken the hint that God must have wanted me to stay with Landen longer. I could have called into work and said I was no going to make it in because of the weather. He had the whole next day off and it was bad weather in Minneapolis as well...O well...what has been done is done...but that and not making it home for our last Christmas together are my only regrets. Anyway...on our way back we stopped at a grocery store to pick up some snacks! My brother loved snacks!!! Amidst the cheese, crackers, sausage, pickles, coca cola/dr.pepper, and sugar cookies were CHRISTMAS TREE CAKES!

The Last Cup 11.11.09
This morning I awoke and began making breakfast as usual…cracked some eggs, mixed in some milk and began to fry up some French Toast and Scrambled eggs with a side of coffee. I reached for my bag of coffee beans to grind but it was lighter than it had been…actually much lighter…probably only enough beans for one last pot of coffee. I couldn’t bring myself to use them so I brewed some older peppermint coffee -with which I was not greatly impressed.
The coffee I usually use on mornings as these is coffee Landen sent to me! Landen worked at Starbucks for the last year of his life and would send me a bag of coffee every now and then. I loved it first of all because it was from Landen…but it was coffee and it was mail! There could be no better combination!!! It’s funny how little things like this make you think of memories or people. It is rather a precious concoction so that is why those special beans are preserved for a special moment in time. I miss my coffee buddy and dear, dear friend who was my brother. God truly graced me with the very best!
Candles in the Playhouse 11.10.09
I am sitting here at my table watching a small flame dance around in a candle jar and it makes me think of me and Landen’s ridiculous fascination with burning candles in the playhouse my dad built for me so long ago. A small memory, but fun. We would talk around the candle in the playhouse or run our fingers through and see who could go through the flame the most times without being burned or we would dip the tips of our fingers in the wax and make wax fingers. None of this could be done in the house of course and heaven knows if we were supposed to be doing this in the playhouse, but we did. We bought all of our candles and matches from the dollar store with our allowance! What a thing to spend our allowance on, huh? Hahaha…we would ride our bikes a little over a mile to the Dollar General on Stone Street then purchase our matches and candles and venture back for some exciting times! Our cousins, Stephen and Shane joined us several times as well.
The Man Pill
I called my parents today because I was a little too sad. I was missing Landen. Dad was making pancakes while talking on the phone. I imagined him rampaging the kitchen as he hurriedly flipped pancakes as he does …then I heard him swallow something. I asked what he was doing…He began to answer…then he laughed for a second… “O I was just taking a man’s pill….Remember that, Riss?”. O, did I? Landen never let me forget it!
One morning when I was 12 or 13 we were finishing breakfast and I took what I thought to be my vitamins setting on the counter. Mom yelled in from the other room, “Leonard, your vitamins are on the counter.” I froze…then I rushed over to the sink and began to try to cough up the vitamins I had just taken. Landen asked, “What in the world are you doing?”
I looked at him in horror. “I took a man’s pill!”
Landen was quiet for a just a moment then he burst into laughter. My mom came into the room and asked what was going on. Landen sarcastically explained, “Oh, Larissa thinks she took a ‘man’s pill’.”
“Well, I did!” I was nearly in tears at this point but my mom started laughing.
I on the other hand was horrified and could not believe no one was taking me seriousily. “What is so funny? This is serious!”
Mom stopped laughing long enough to say, “It is a vitamin, honey not a pill. It just contains special vitamins for men.”
“I know! That is what I am worried about!”
“One vitamin will not hurt you…several will not hurt you…they just contain certain amounts of vitamins which men need. … It’s not like you grow anything different.”
Later, Landen asked me what I thought was going to happen…I never answered but now that he is gone and can tease me no longer I will admit I truly thought I may turn into a man of some sort because of that ‘man’s pill’. Thank God it was no such thing!!!

Dorthy 10.31.09
I never used to like to dress up in costume. It is still a stretch but I think the kids enjoy it. My cousin, Sarah loves for me to play dress up with her. I love to because she loves it so much. Anyway, I decided to dress as Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz for the Fall Family Festival. I put together the entire outfit complete with the red ruby slippers purchased at Target!
Landen loved Dorthy. Mostly he loved her for her ruby slippers. He noticed everyone’s shoes but especially if they were red high heels. He would always describe people by their shoes…you know the lady with the gold shoes that made a sharp point…or the man with the black cowboy boots….he always noticed the shoes! He would have loved knowing I dressed as Dorthy!

My Happy Pants 10.19.09
I have this favorite pair of pants which now bear many holes. I have tried to decide if they are my favorite because they fit just right or because they look stylish or because they receive interesting little comments every now and then? I had not quite discovered exactly why until one day off while out to the library in my favorite pair of pants. A little girl from church saw me and said, “Miss Larissa! You have holes in your pants! Why do you have so many holes in your pants?”
I laughed and said, “It is because they are my favorite pants and it is my day off! I guess that would make them my ‘happy pants’!”
“Oh.” She thought for a moment then asked, “Why do those holey pants make you happy?”.
I then took a moment to think and slowly began to answer, “Well, they are comfortable pants and make me feel warm inside…” as I began to talk I began to remember… “They make me think of happy memories. The day I bought these pants my brother and I were out of school (college) for the entire day and neither one of us had to work…which was very rare…so we decided to spend the day together! We went shopping, out to eat, studied at Krispy Kreme and ended the day at the movies to see the Phantom of the Opera. While shopping, I found these pants. Landen encouraged me to purchase them, so I did…I guess that is why they are my ‘happy pants’. They make me remember a very special day with my brother.”
The little girl had intently listened and assured me she understood. Then another day which was not my day off she saw me wearing some holey pants… “Miss Larissa! Why are you wearing your ‘happy pants’? It’s not your day off?”
I thought Landen would have loved this story.

October Glory

The tree (October Glory) which was planted in remembrance of Landen.

Colton, Rod, Lavon, Joyanna and my Mom and Dad in Albany, NY for the Memorial Service.

The city of Albany, NY!

I have a post card of the skyline Landen sent to me when he did his internship there a few years ago. I posted it on my office wall to remember to pray for the city which my brother loved so dearly. Last week a Master's Commission student asked me, "Of all of the city skylines, whydo you have Albany, NY featured?" I told him that my brother and sister in law had been inner city pastors there.

He asked me how long ago it had been

...I said about a year because my brother died a year ago...

He siad, "of a heart attack?"

They had been praying for all of us because his uncle is a pastor outside of Albany and notified his family to pray.

People we didn't even know!

God is amazing!!!

Without Landen

I wanted to blog on the first anniversary of my brother going to be with Jesus but I was blessed by a visit with my parents and did not have the opportunity to blog. I am thankful for the time God allowed!

My schedule has been quite overwelming, but memories flood each action and motion. Everything I do reminds me of another time and place...yet the Lord is my strength and my strong; He has become my salvation and He reminds me of His faithfullness as well.

This last year has been so difficult for so many.

I find comfort in warm places, such as beaches and coffee shoppes but the best and fullest place is in the presence of God. He never disappoints my spirit. He is greater than the best warm cup of coffee or the most beautiful sunny day along the beach. I am thankful. God has also given me the best people to get through this time and I am love them all the more.

The other day I was flooded with a multitude of memories. Many memories simple as the trees changing colors and remembering how we always enjoyed the first yard raking...the several others to follow were not our favorite...but we loved the leaves. When we were like 8 and 10 we lived across the street from this tree which changed multiple colors throughout the Autumn. Many times it started out RED, then turned ORANGE, and YELLOW then turn BROWN and fall. We would take blankets and eat, read or talk under its umbrella of color. We would dream about opening our Travel Agency or put together dramas and plays for church or just for fun. I could always dream big with Landen. We concocted some of the most far out ideas together! Landen carried many of them out because he was not afraid of failing. He always took whatever God gave him and put it to use. God recieved and it and blessed Landen with more in return.

This past week New Hope Church in Albany, NY planted a tree in his remembrance. Pastor Keith said it was to remember that God sent Landen as an example of Christ and Landen was a man who was like a tree planted by streams of water. When I saw the tree (October Glory) it reminded me of the tree of our childhood. Absolutely beautiful! I hope to see it in person someday soon!

Yes, I miss Landen.

Yes, I am sad he is gone.

But yes I am glad to hope to see him again soon!

The Greatest Part of Siblings

You know what the great part of having a sibling is? It is someone who has gone through everything you have and has the many of the same experiences and stories as you do. Their sense of humor tend to be the same and no one else seems to get you. I miss that.
You know what is really great about siblings grown up together? They get to hold each other's children and talk about the things that happened when they were kids. You talk about family and who the kid looks more like. I guess that won't be happening?
Who would have ever thought this would happen?

This Morning...

There are some days that I awake and I just feel mad. I hate it but I do. Usually it is after I have a dream about Landen, but it always ends the same…he’s dead. Well, this morning was one of those mornings. I awoke hugging my little bear Landen gave to me even though I really do not care for stuffed animals…he got it for my 21st Birthday. When you pinch the paw it says “Larissa, you are the best sister anyone could ask for and my best friend. I hope you have a happy birthday and I hope you know I will always be there for you.”…maybe it was that last line that got me…he didn’t know that he wasn’t going to be here for me but it felt like it was a lie…it wasn’t…but it sure felt like it was. He would be here if he could. I know better than to go into full questioning why he had to go or what in the world happened…I really do have hope in Christ…my emotions are just upset. Needlesstosay…I feel mad and that alone makes me even more angry. Why does this always seem to happen when I have a lot to do or I don’t have time to deal or process? I miss him so much and I certainly do not know what to do about it but talk to God because nothing can replace my brother.

"You've had SIX boyfriends!"

I’m sitting in a random coffee shoppe…however I don’t know that it can fully be classified as such…it is as though a small North Carolina town tried create a coffee shoppe but could not quite grasp the concept of an authentic place to meet and drink the best warm beverage of all…I shouldn’t knock it too badly because there is mysteriously something about entering this establishment which makes me feel as though I am suddenly walking inside a movie…and the coffee is not half-bad, either... It is a very interesting place indeed!
Landen would be so proud of me for discovering such a place. He was always a fan of discovering “hole in the wall” places and was a pretty great critic at that. If you ever wanted to know where to go and where not to go you would ask Landen Reimer. He was like a Former’s travel book in and of himself and I delighted in being apart of many of his adventures.
This memory really has nothing to do with him being an adventurer or travel book or anything of the sort but I have been chuckling quietly to myself all morning about this memory and need to blog about it to share it the cyberspace world…
One night in college Landen and some friends and I went to study at Barnes and Noble. First of all we were disgusted because there were no more available tables in the café so we had to settle down to study at the incredibly awkward tiny tables in the Junior’s department… we had a lot to study…it was getting later by the second… if I remember correctly they even messed up one of our drinks…then no one could study because Landen had just gone out with this girl the night before who at the time he thought was the most incredible girl he had ever met but was not sure what his next move was to be… so after sharing all of his thoughts to a group of stressed friends who tried to listen in between reading thick books and memorizing terms and definitions, he began to seek counsel from our friend Roxanne Gibbert who was entirely in tune with what Landen was sharing. By this time in order to concentrate on the pressing subjects before us I had moved a few steps away into the Storytime area…two of our other friends were by the Curious George display and yet another friend moved away entirely from the group to the Beverly Cleary’s Romana series…Landen and Roxanne were still at the awkwardly tiny table in the Junior’s department of Barnes and Noble. My ears heard bits and pieces of their conversation as I tried focusing in on my terms and definitions for Child Growth and Development…I heard Roxanne talk about her diverse dating life and some experiences she had…she and Landen grew louder in conversation as he exclaimed a few things and disagreed with a few of her experiences…I was annoyed so I grabbed the little Captain Underpants doll sitting next to me and threw him as hard as I could at the two people sitting at the awkwardly tiny table in the back of the Junior’s department in Barnes and Noble. Out of nowhere a stern and fearsome bookseller appeared… I thought” great…I do almost nothing… then I do something and I get in trouble!”…so I began to apologize until I discovered she knew nothing about the Captain Underpants doll…she had come to confront Landen and Roxy about their adult conversations in the Junior’s department! I guess some overly concerned mother expressed her disapproval of their conversation and demanded the bookseller to take care of the situation... now it should be noted that Landen and Roaxanne definitely did not talk about sexual behavior or anything of the sort…only the basics of relationships and communication…They tried to convince the bookseller that they had talked nothing of the sort but she like King Agrippa was almost persuaded but not convinced. The best part of it was 2 of us were wearing CBC hoodies! What a glorious testimony!
Landen was mortified…Roxanne thought it was hilarious…I couldn’t believe it…and some of the others were just annoyed…we sat around and tried to figure out what the overly concerned mother could have picked up on that she did not want her little 8 year old to hear… the only thing we could figure out was at toward the beginning of the conversation Roxanne had mentioned she had had 6 serious boyfriends to this particular date…Landen unbelievably exclaimed, “You’ve had 6 boyfriends!”…but Landen always spoke with a little different accent so when said “six” often it sounded like “sex”…so the overly concerned mother must have heard, “You’ve had SEX with your boyfriends!”…when we finally concluded with this it was definitely time to go home because we could hold back laughter and embarrassment no longer. After my final apology to the booksellers on behalf of our behavior that evening we exited Barnes and Noble to confront all that life had for us.
I will never forget that humorous evening!

September 19th

Well...Today is my birthday...and I wish Landen could be here...this is the first birthday he is not...but my sister-in-law sent me the nicest card and flowers and it was almost like him being here.

I have been surrounded by the most wonderful friends and family... and still my heart aches because I miss Landen...but it's ok and I am thankful for everyone. Everyone has been so patient and loving towards me. They have gone above and beyond to help me feel special and loved<3

Nothing was ever too big of a surprise when it came to gifts with Landen and I. We would always tell what each other was going to receive then act overly surprised as we dramatically opened gifts. It must have been quite the production!

I remember when I got my bike (age 12)...Landen told me my gift was locked in the basement and through a series of questions and answers I soon discovered I was getting a bike for my birthday...the only details I did not know was the color or the size! Haha...

One of my favorite birthday's was a surprise (#22)... First of all...we went to St.Louis on the weekend with a bunch of friends (Landen and Joyanna happened to be in the same car on this trip and "got to know one another")... Landen, Joyanna, Kim, Matt, Stephen, Andrea, Itsuko, Roxy, Kristen and I...My only request was I did not want to have to make any decisions so Landen directed our fun schedule throughout the day as we explored St. Louis. The Spaghetti Factory, the Arch, the Zoo and Union Station. We even played a game of Mafia in the park that evening in the middle of some festival! That Sunday night, I returned to the house and more of my friends were present....Landen had set up YET another surprise PIRATE party for my birthday! (September 19th is National Pirates Day...and I have always had a special interest in pirates)...the surprises that year were endless!

This year, I am surprised he is not here. I always thought he would be and I miss him so very much...but I am SO thankful that neither one of us forsook celebrating life because we imagined we would always be here. I do not regret celelbrating life.

So...celebrate life, everyday with the ones you hold dear and never take for granted each breath God gives you to breathe alongside the ones you love!

I am thankful for the dear ones in my life! Thank you for making this day special!

Wonder Woman

This morning was one of those mornings I had to tell myself Landen was not here...I woke up excited from last night's Superhero Nite at church with the kids, picked up my phone to call my brother and tell him all about it...but ...I can't. Strangest thing when you forget that your brother is dead...kind of leaves you feeling strange for the entire day.
I knew he would seriously appreciate Superhero Nite. Landen quietly loved superheroes... As a little boy he had all kinds of little figurines that he would play with outside...one of which being a Wonder Woman figurine which we had received in a Happy Meal or something...I can not remember where we got them (because we definitely both had one in our mix of toys!). I remember playing in the sand or at the park with these little figurines ...(Wizard of Oz characters, a little man that looked like a pastor with moving arms and legs, Wonder Woman, and a few little GI Joe Men)... The figurines would find themselves being thrown down the slide, drowning in water, or buried in sand or leaves but Wonder Woman was always there to save the day! She was always heroic...I think it was the red boots!
Anyway, not long ago I was going through a difficult time in life...Landen was always quick with encouragement ...One day, I received a package in the mail...it was a little blue hand mirror with Wonder Woman on it! He had a special little card which accompanied that read something like: If you ever question how wonderful you are look this mirror and see the Wonderful Woman God created you to be!...we liked those kind of cheezy things:)
...all of that to say...he would have appreciated Superhero Nite!

Lunch break...

Today is another NON-STOP day...It seems as though there have been alot of those recently...so I'm glad I brought my lunch. I actually bring my lunch quite abit but I used to always take my lunch to work. Back in highschool, when I worked at Wal-Mart Landen liked to pack my luch every once in a while. I could rarely eat all of the lunch he packed for me! He always thought eating was very important.

...this one time I remember specifically he packed a whole sandwhich, 4 thick slices of cheese, pickles, chips,a Little Debbie snack and pudding.

When we worked at Celebration City together we enjoyed packing our lunches together. Then, we would get home so late that we would eat like Ramen Noodles or something when we got home ( around midnight) and watch a Feature Family Films movie.

Back to work...

Monday...

There are so many memories today....Maybe it is because it is Monday...or it is a wonderful Autumn day...or maybe it is just because I miss my best little friend in the world.

I have had a pretty productive day. I awoke to the sounds of emergency sirens zooming by and cool breezes filtering through my window...very much like the morning my Dad called to let me know that my brother was not breathing and I needed to pray. I didn't want to get up but I did and I am glad that I met this Monday.

I journeyed down the stairs to make some breakfast...I opened every window to let the sun shine in, filled my coffee pot and began to stir up some blueberry pancakes...while I cooked and cleaned abit I chatted with my mom and dad...then baked some banana bread and talked with Joyanna...while cleaning the windows I smiled as I remembered one day we were cleaning in preparation of some relatives coming and Landen and I were arguing about something...I told Landen I was so mad at him and probably pinched or slapped him...who knows...but I remember he took my Windex from me and sprayed my hair...I was soooo mad for like 10 seconds then we laughed ridiculously!

Today I enjoy being alone...the only person I never minded being around when I feel like this was Landen. We were like an interval...two little notes on a stem...playing in harmony through life...now I'm but a melody in the Reimer family song of life...there are other songs to be played throughout life and I am thankful for the ones God has placed upon the musical staff of those...He has made sure that I am never alone. I just miss my harmonic note!

I was thinking about Landen...what would we do with a day like today? We would embrace every moment...drinking coffees, playing outside, going on walks, shopping, playing music and singing outside, talking...every moment. That is what we would do with a day like today.

Still much to do with today so I must be on my way...

I am so thankful!

Stressful Moments...

So, I am very stressed today...I have alot to accomplish...but I have a trusty cup of coffee and I have asked God to be with me and help me to accomplish and I know that He will help me. I remember many of these feelings during college.

I remember one time studying for finals with my cousin Stephen and Landen. We were incredibly stressed. I get overwelmed and feel a little panicky and have a difficult time concentrating... Stephen gets very serious and melancholy ... Landen just got crazy! We were studying at Barnes and Noble. We had had some great coffee and Stephen was letting out irritated deep sighs ... was restless because I was trying to refrain from talking and being distracted by people I knew and Landen was sitting in a chair doing everything but studying...laughing about things that were not even funny. I still do not know what possessed him but he slouched in his study chair, popped his foot in the air and announced "Everyone, keep your eye on the Foot!"...I couldn't believe this was real!!! Everyone indeed did look but no one laughed right away because I think they were trying to see if this was really happening. Many inquisitive looks. Stephen walked to the bathroom as I sat with my book over my face for what seemed like hours which was only really only a few moments of time...Landen sat back up in his chair and went into studying as if nothing had happened.

Looking back...I laugh...but at the time I was thoroughly embarrassed! I am so glad he did this now. When I am stressed like this I remember to stay focussed...Keep my eye on the foot!

...and as you can see we all made it through college!

Refusing Michael English's Autograph

I was just talking with a friend and Marylou about amazing soloists of the past and Michael English came up! We loved him but before I appreciated his voice I was a humungous fan of Mark Lowry. My brother and I both were.

We were on family vacation...I think I was like 8 and Landen was 6...we saw on a sign where Mark Lowry was going to be where we were along with the Gaither Vocal Band (which Mark and Michael were both singing in). We were completely elated!!!

Mom and Dad took us! Before the service my Mom noticed that Mark was sitting on the back row in the auditorium, so she suggested my brother and I go get his autograph. By the time we reached Mark Lowry another man was sitting next to him. Quiet and shy little Landen stood behind me as I talked with Mark Lowry. We chatted about how we thought he was funny and being ministers kids and getting autographs...when Mark was finished signing our cards he began to hand the pen and cards to the man next to him asking us if we wanted his autograph as well...I said, "Oh no thank you! That's alright. We just wanted yours...thanks." and we returned to our parents and my mom and dad said something about, "That's pretty cool that you got both he and Michael's autograph! SO special!" I said, "No... we didn't get that other guy's autograph." We looked back in the auditorium and Mark was laughing at Michael. We had jsut refused Michael English's autograph!

Mice Droppings

Today Johnny, Paige and I are cleaning out the modular where the mice have taken over! There are boxes full of mice droppings and it makes me sick. It also causes me to recall how much my brother HATED mice. When he and Joyanna moved into their little place in Albany, NY it was definitely rat infested. It was so bad that he told Joyanna they could get a cat to help the problem...AMAZING since he really didn't care for cats either.

The Saturday before Landen died he called me back after playing a week of phonetag for a 2 1/2 hour conversation. The entire time he was working at taking out the window airconditioning unit. I heard...ickk...ugh....ewww... and it was because mice had found their way into the unit and filled it with their wonderful droppings! So on top storing the airconditioner he had to clean it up...bless his heart.

I remember, as kids one time we were working/cleaning at the church. A little mouse scurried across the floor but all we saw was our mom on top of a chair screaming! We teased her about it forever. I don't know of very many people who do like mice other than on Disney cartoons.

Well, going back to clean the modular...

Do you know the Muffin-dog?

This week I am a little dogsitting for some friends. This is not a new thing for me. Landen and I had a dog growing up and dogsat many other dogs. One dog in particular was Muffin. Muffin was a cute poodle/something…she was growing old and she was beginning to lose control of certain things. Everytime her owners would go out of town Landen and I would walk 6 blocks 3-4 times a day to check on little Muffin. It didn’t matter how many times we would check on the little rascal we would have several little logs to pick up and spots to clean on the lightly colored living room carpet. Disgusting! We got to where we detested even the thought of her owners going out of town! The whole job would put Landen and I in a grouchy mode…we would start arguing on our way out the door about who was going to take Muffin out and who was going to clean up the mess… when we arrived we made fun of the one who had to clean up the mess and on the way home we would laugh and create scenerios of what Muffin did when no one was home. It definitely was not the money for which we worked for…we had no idea that you should get paid for such jobs… I remember a couple of times we each got $5 for 4 days…funny...It all racks up as experience…but I’m glad to have had it like that because it taught us that it is not for money we serve or work for but for the satisfaction of a job well done and a need being met. Serving 101…and it was good for us.

* The picture shown is NOT Muffin but our beloved dog Col. McDuff. We got him around Laden's birthday 11 years ago. Landen loved McDuff.

A Snake

Yesterday evening I found myself walking down by the Tar River with a friend...I was talking and not paying attention to the ground as my friend was...all of a sudden she bolted ahead of me jumping and screaming... I paused and asked what..."You just stepped over a snake! A snake! It was green! It was a GREEN SNAKE!!!"

O...Landen would have been so very proud of me to have know that I had been in the presence of a snake and not panicked... of course I had not seen the snake...but it was still in my presence and I had not panicked!

When we lived in Scottbluff/Gering, Nebraska Landen and I would hike the Scottsbluff National Monument quite frequently. It was a pretty good little workout and we loved it. The only part we did not love was the snakes... Me because I could hardly stand to look at a picture in a book of a snake let alone see one for real and Landen because he got tired of me looking for snakes everytime I heard a little noise. We would be talking along and all of a sudden I would hear something...I would say, "shhh...did you hear that?" Landen would start to say, "Larissa, it is noth..." and I would hush him and promise I heard something not letting him speak until I saw what was making the noise. Then we would argue the rest of way up about how I was afraid and I needed to trust God with my life a little more..."Snakes are not looking for Larissa Reimer! Good grief, they are more afraid of you! Can you imagine?"..."Landen, you are just not aware of the dangers of life. I'm not untrusting...I'm cautious!"...and we would go back and forth and back and forth...ridiculous!...but funny to look back on. You know, I believe in all of the times we hiked around that area we saw only 3 or 4 snakes.

A little green purse...

The purse which I am using on this crisp Fall day is the last gift given to me by Landen! It is a little green clutch. He was always famous for picking out the best handbags and accessories for me to try. I was never big on trying new things...especially in fashion stuff but Landen would buy me stuff to at least try ...and usually I would end up liking whatever it was. Thanks, pal!

I credit my drive to try new things to my brother:)

A Backyard Theme Park

I am in between meetings in Raleigh...I find myself at Panera once again...a different one from Saturday...I am outside enjoying another delicious cup of coffee under an umbrella listening to traffic and two African American ladies chatting it up about detoxing. It's a wonderful afternoon, indeed!
There was one definite thing Landen and I differed on...we both loved the outdoors but he absolutly detested eating outdoors! He insisted that everytime you ate outside it began to rain or the wind picked up or the sun was so bright all you could do is squint or bugs would take over...there was ALWAYS something...so knowing how much both he and Joyanna loved eating outdoors I got them a picnic set for their wedding...complete with a beautiful basket!
I ... on the other hand LOVE to eat outdoors no matter what!
The only time I remember Landen loving to eat in the great outdoors was when we were little and we used to play Silver Dollar City outside with our foster brother and sister (William and Tricia). We would make believe our big red wagon was the trolley and take turns pulling William and Tricia up and down the big hill on Crook Street (in Falls City) while the other one of us would talk on the walkie talkie (the other one being in the wagon with our park guests)..."Welcome to Silver Dollar City"! We had memorized everything the tram drivers did complete with ..."Please wait until we say all ashore, folks...alright... all ashore." We developed rides on our swingset and treehouse...the American Plunge, Thunderation, even the Great Shootout... We would be blasting southern gospel music as to set the ambiance of Silver Dollar City and break out a sideshow every once in a while...Our backyard must have been a disaster to onlookers, but to us it was an AMAZING theme park! Our mom even got involved and served us Barbque Sandwhiches on the back deck. She was great to treat us like park guests...the best mom!
Yes, we would spend entire days playing this and we never tired of it!
My mom has pictures!

Little Things

So…I was driving along and guess what? My earring just POPPED right out of my ear! That had not happened in quite a while…Landen believed I was the only one that could be wearing latched earrings that would POP out of my ear for no reason…he would have to spend countless moments helping me look for earrings I was sure I would never see again.He would try buying me special latch earrings for my birthday or whatever…but I had the same issue…over and over again.
Only a small thought…but it made me smile.
I am glad for even the small memories.
Each person leaves behind such a trail of memories. They are everywhere. They can be found in little events such as loosing an earring, drinking a latte or big events like birthday's and anniversaries. I suppose I should have begun this blog earlier in my grief but it seems timing is suited for now. My goal is to write as much as I am able in a year…we’ll see…

God is still present and I am thankful.

The Big Day

September 1,2009 marks 2 years that Landen and Joyanna were married. I will never forget the beautiful day of my brother’s wedding and the wonderful lady that he married. We were in Corning, Iowa. I arrived in Iowa 2 days early to help prepare. We stayed with Rod and Lavaun (Joyanna’s parents) about 45 minutes from the town. Mom and Dad wanted to have a last little lunch before the BIG DAY. The morning of the rehearsal Landen decided he wanted to have a moment just the two of us before everything got chaotic… so we made plans to drive into town together…except in our chipper conversations we lost direction and ended up in the small town of “Clarinda”…I don’t remember how far out of the way…but plenty. We laughed and listened to Big Band music and caught up on life together… I miss that most of all…Landen had the gift of turning any little situation into a grand and glorious story.
Mom and Dad were staying in a mobile home park in their motorhome because there are not a lot of places to stay in Corning, Iowa! We made it to the park, still cheerfully conversating…walked up to what we thought was mom and dad’s place…pounded on the door and to our surprise a man with boxers grumpily answered the door… so astonished and amazed Landen and I speechlessly turned to one another…paused… then busted out in laughter! Unable to understand the situation because we were unable to explain the situation because of our embarrassment and laughter the man slammed the screen. We peered around the camper only to see our mom and dad walking our dog down the road to greet us!!! We all had a moment of explosive laughter. It took us a good 5 minutes to compose ourselves enough to recount the merry little tale.
Everything went so quickly…but everything so meaningful and beautiful…I could not hold back tears…mostly tears of joy. There is one scene which I will never forget. Although precious and priceless it was not the exchanging of the vows, nor the smirks of the groomsmen, nor was it even the look of pride and joy Landen had on his face as his bride strolled down the aisle…it wasn’t the carefully designed and detailed decorating, nor the priceless song Landen wrote and sang for Joyanna… no it was a moment caught by my mother…It is my picture for today and has become probably my favorite picture of Landen and I…
Pictures had been taken…the service was 15 mins away…and Landen and I were headed to the basement of the church to join the rest of the wedding party preparing to take their places.. we paused on the stairs and Landen laughed… he was happy..then he placed his arm around me and squeezed me so tightly I thought I would burst…then he cried…I cried…he told me he was so proud of me and I was priceless…he said “Larissa, I want you to experience this…and you will…I am so happy, scared, nervous, excited…so much!” ..we laughed…my mom was buzzing by snapping photos and she called for our attention…snapped the picture and was on her way…I had the opportunity before Landen let me go to say, “I’m proud of you, Landen! You’re the best brother and I know you’ll make the best husband. I love you!” and we parted.

One year ago...

Have you ever had one of those days where you have soooo much to do but have asbsolutely NO ambition? Well, today is one of those days... I woke up and the rain was dripping slowly from the gray sky, my neck shot pain throughout my back and I desired to turn over and sleep the day away, yet a day off only comes once a week so I did not want to waste a moment...so I got up, read my devotions and still felt worn out...I thought maybe it was because yesterday was such a big day (which is why I did not blog) with all of the activities of he Tailgait Party at church or that the weather was making me somber...It wasn't until I was brewing some espesso that I discovered what just may be the issue of saddness...Today makes an entire year since I last saw my brother.

Landen and Joyanna came to visit me last year as part of thier first Anniversary trip. I was quite honored that they squeezed me into their itenary. It was only a couple night stay but we made the most of every moment. I showed them all around Roky Mount...which took all of one evening...then we were off to the outer banks on the most humidly hot weekend of the year! We ate fish, walked the beach, camped out, visited Roanoke Island and the Elizabethean Gardens and flew kites at Kitty Hawk. There were several negative parts about the little trip out of town but they made it all the more memorable. Along with it being a very hot weekend, peacocks pecked our tent and a large Hispanic family celebrated throughout the night so our sleep was slim... we bought marshmallows and chocolate striped cookies to make smores but were unable to make them because it did not cool down at night (in fact this summer I came across the marshmallows and made smores with some friends)...We wasted 2 hours at the Roanoke Island museum watching an informational video about Wanchese and Manteo rather than information about the Lost Colony and it rained the afternoon we went to the Elizabethean Gardens so Landen had to run all the way back to the car in pouring rain to retrieve umbrellas for us girls to enojy the rest of the sloshy afternoon. We did find some great places to dine and drink coffee along the beach and we discovered a new joy in flying kites. That Friday evening we flew kites for 3 hours at Kitty Hawk on the Dunes. Landen and I always enjoyed the idea of flying kites but were never able to keep the kite in the air longer than 20 seconds but the beach is the perfect place to fly kites...I wish I could find the video of us flying kites but sadly enough it could not be found...hopefully at a later time I will be able to post the video! We ran up and down the dunes, relaxed watching our kites in the air and giggled until we could no longer. I love that!

They left on a Sunday...but stayed so they could go to my church to see where I minister because that was important to them. That Sunday was Family Sunday and I baptized for the first time. I knew it was a huge honor for me but I never thought my brother saw it such as such great honor to be present and a part of this moment... until not long ago Joyanna told me that he mentioned several times how proud he was of me and how glad he was able to be there and be a part of my life. My brother forever thought I was the best...for whatever reason...but isn't it great to have at least one person in your life who thinks you can do anything and be wonderful at everything ...even if it is not true? I think so...and now you understand why it pains my heart so deeply that my brother is gone... but God is good to be my ever present help in trouble, to comfort me with his Holy Spirit and surround me in the love of people. I am thankful...even if Landen is never replaced...I have hope. Hope in Jesus and hope that I will see Landen again...soon I trust...and sometimes I imagine singing and worshipping in heaven, exploring the wonders to show me later and sometimes I even imagine him flying kites like we did a year ago at Kitty Hawk.

And I pen from Panera today...

I am at Panera today...one of our favorite places to go. There is something about Panera's Hazelnut Coffee that recalls warm thoughts, strips away any pain from the heart and speeds up the day. I had alot to do today so here I am.

Panera was always our meeting place. We tried to study there multiple times in college, but because our schedules were so tight and we rarely recieved the oppportunity to hang out ..."studytime" soon became "chattertime"...Landen and I always had something to chat about. When we were not chatting we met new people. I remember this one night while we were "studying" at the Panera on National in Springfield ( near downtown)... we met a little, old lady. She was short with dark hair and a pinched face. She was very bitter and pesimistic. We began talking to her about her day...which was of course "awful" ...then we went into discussing life...Landen and I were able to share some life with her and she miraculously smiled. Come to find out she was just a lonely little lady and we filled one evening with some friendship! My heart is still warmed by occasions such as these.

Landen's usual was an orange scone with hazelnut coffee...mine was a cinnamon crunch bagel with hazelnut coffee...I am still known to order a cinnamon crunch bagel and a coffee in a real mug...

Post-college...Panera served as our meeting place. Time froze and happiness reigned always. I remember last summer I met Landen and Joyanna in Baltimore. We spent a good hour tracking down a Panera for breakfast. I said many times, "O, it's not that big of a deal." and Landen insisted "You wanted to eat at Panera and we ARE going to find it, Riss. It's not that big of a deal." ..and by George, we sure did! ...actually the picture for today is from that beautiful morning where we sang" Good morning, Baltimore" in Baltimore, Maryland and much laughter filled the air! I love memories as these...there are so many. Everytime I laugh or enjoy a moment I think of how proud Landen would be...but I can't help but have the thought that it would only be better with him present...he was the very best brother and friend...but all is well as I pen this from Panera today.

God is faithful.

Little Entrepreneurs

Today I am venturing out with our intern Paige Osborne to ask for donations for the Fall Family Festival and it brings to mind the many times in our childhood when Landen and I went door to door selling items or asking pledges for numerous things. We started out absolutely loving the job of going door to door thinking we had the most important job in the world… We were quite the entrepreneurs…whether it was for missions or ourselves (Olympia Sales) we were bound and determined to make a fortune some way or another.
Our first selling experience was fruit. We had to take over this Fruit Fundraiser because the youth were not doing their job to sell for Speed the Light (missions)…so the task was placed upon Landen and I and our two cousins Stephen and Shane…and yes the four of us young ones (ages 6,8,and 10) sold more than the entire youth group! We felt entirely victorious…so we took on other jobs... bike-a-thons, Christmas Cards, Christmas Ornaments, walk-a-thons, Calendars, Cookbooks, Candybars…you name it, we tried to sell it for missions.
For a while Landen and I sold for Olympia Sales for our own income. We got to keep $2 from each item that we sold. We would usually sell in the Spring and the Fall…that way we had money for Christmas presents and vacation! Of course, Mom and Dad taught us to lay out our tithe and a portion we gave to BGMC (missions). Although we passionately enjoyed selling door to door (cold or heat) we were not into pressuring people to buy or support. We had an entire little sales pitch to throw out. Landen would say, “Hello. We were just wandering if you would be interested in buying something from our magazine.” Then I would take over and talk about the magazine and all of its great products. The people would usually invite us in and we would make a new friend or two, then they would make their purchase (because face it…who could resist?)…and we would be on our way. However I remember at this one lady’s house I decided to mix up our little pitch a pinch…Landen gave his short, friendly welcome then I said, “Here you can look through our magazine and see if there is any junk you would like to purchase”…the lady smiled and suggested the we may not sell too many items if we call it junk! However she agreed to look through the magazine and ended up finding some sort of “junk" to purchase.

Later on, Landen and I made it a pact to always make a purchase from children selling things door to door and I believe I have stuck to that and I will continue.

Some good Old Country Music

When I hopped into my car to venture to work this morning country music sang through the speakers of my car...only because last night I took my CD into my house and the station had been set to country(?)..but it made me smile as my memory led me to the many times Landen made me smile by singing some cheesey country song with a twang or such nonsense.
Landen's friend, Nicholas Glore(who LOVES the country and its music) and he would pull some pretty great duets. We loved to go this theme park called "Silver Dollar City" in Branson , Missouri (which we later worked for)...especially at Christmastime. It was a theme park with music shows and ambiance from a hundred years ago. One weekend evening while in college...right before Christmas break...I remember agreeing to meet up with those guys at Silver Dollar City. As I walked into the park I remember walking up on a small crowd of people encompassing...yes... Landen and Nick...they were singing some country Christmas carols and getting quite a response! Come to find out...they had been doing this all day long throughout the park and all throughout the evening as well (against my wishes). At one point, Landen took me by surprise...grabbed my arm to spin me out and I lost my footing and fell on the ground!
We laughed...and laughed...and laughed...

Hello...

It is Wednesday...so this must be a quick thought...Wednesday's are always ridiculously busy! Landen and I tried to chat at least once a day....however we rarely caught hold of one another because we each had such crazy schedules but we would ALWAYS leave a message. Some messages would be just"I guess you must be busy right now... but when you get a chance give me a call. I love you and hope to talk to you soon!" or we'd tell the entire story of what we were going to tell in person on the phone calling back multiple times to finishthe story...Landen did not have as much patience for multiple phone calls as I did. I enjoyed calling back 3 or 4 times to finish a story but by the third phone call Landen would say "Good grief! ...I'll just talk to you later...love you!"
Landen would pick at me because he said the message would ussually cut into me finishing a melody of some sort that I had been humming or singing while waiting for his usual ridiculously long or absurd voicemail message to end so I could leave my message. He said it always made him smile...but the sweeter part is I didn't even know that it picked me up at all until about 2 years ago I answered the phone finishing a little melody and he laughed and laughed... so much he could barely speak (he must have been tired!)...and when he finally pulled himself together he said that this happens quite frequently with me! Haha...I wonder how many people's voicemails have recieved my melody leftovers? We both laughed until we cried.
Landen's voicemail messages always cracked ME up...but those can be an entirely different day's blog:)...ending conversations on the phone could be a whole other blog as well. Sometimes it would take 30 mins to an hour to end a conversation! The Saturday before he left us all we were on the phone for 2 1/2 hours ...and the 1/2 part was us saying goodbye:) We would always think of one more thing to say and then we'd say, "Well, I suppose...I should let you go..." then another thing would pop up! I think everyone who has someone close they talk to on the phone can identify with that:)
Well, I love you...and good bye...

The Reuniting

This Christmas I stumbled across this precious photo of Landen and I. My dad felt the need to frame it for me, so it now sits in my Living Room to remind me I will see Landen again someday soon. One may look at this picture and assume it was taken years and years ago but it was taken only 20 years ago in front of my dad's old chevy truck. It was an unforgetable moment of reuniting!
At the age of 2 1/2 I remember the day Landen was born. March 1, 1985. I remember holding his little warm body with the help of my dad, then later getting donuts with Dad and Grandma Reynolds while we let Landen and Mom "rest". Even with the superb idea of eating donuts with Dad and Grandma I had a difficult time leaving the hospitol. I felt such a great sense of responsiblity for my new baby brother and I didn't want anything to harm him. Many of you may not know but my brother nearly died at birth. The doctor and my dad prayed over him and he was made well! He was a miracle from the beginning! The Lord knew I needed a brother like Landen and the world needed a man like him as well.
Not long ago I was sitting in another funeral where I heard, "A life is not measured with time but impact." Landen left an incredible impact upon so many lives...the greatest in mine and I am so thankful God saw fit that Landen was my brother.

So...as you can see we were close siblings from DAY1. I helped feed and care for him, corrected him when he chose to suck his fingers, spoke for him and taught him everything I thought he needed to know. We were inseparable buddies! Then when I was 4 and he was 2 my grandparents asked me to go on a vacation with them to Michigan. I loved to travel...and still do...so with my parents' permission I went. I don't remember how long I was gone but I rememebr learning that napping in the car makes the time go by faster for long trips, painting toenails with my Aunt Debbie and hanging out with my cousin Stephen...but most of all I remember reuniting with my brother. I missed him so much. The trip had been so much fun but would have been even better with the presence of my little buddy. What I didn't know is how much more Landen missed me. Mom said every time the trains would pass Landen would run to the window, peer through the curtains and watch for me to return. Many days passed and Landen ran to the window, peered through the curtains and saw my grandparents' silver Buick pull into the driveway. A little boy with very words simply expressed his sheer happiness by jumping up and down several times, then running out the door to greet his sister. Hugs and happiness were overflowing that day of reuniting!

Now, it is my turn to be left behind and I wait...maybe not running to the window and peering through the curtains at the sound of every train whistle...but I wait. I wait to see Landen again. He is with Jesus now and I know he is having the time of his life in heaven, scoping out all the places to go and things to do so that we do not waste a moment (he was ALWAYS big on that!). It will be an excellent reuniting...and I can't wait!
...I won't need another picture either because after that day there will be no more parting!

a little introduction...

• Almost a year ago I lost my best friend in the whole entire world...my brother. Landen (age 23)died mid-October of 2008 of heart arithmea/cardiac arrest. My heart still aches missing him but I am thankful that I know we loved one another very much and we had the best adventures together. I look forward to reuniting with him in heaven, but until then I know God has a plan for life. I will be faithful until that time.

This blog is to recall all of the AMAZING adventures God graced me with my brother, Landen!