One year ago...

Have you ever had one of those days where you have soooo much to do but have asbsolutely NO ambition? Well, today is one of those days... I woke up and the rain was dripping slowly from the gray sky, my neck shot pain throughout my back and I desired to turn over and sleep the day away, yet a day off only comes once a week so I did not want to waste a moment...so I got up, read my devotions and still felt worn out...I thought maybe it was because yesterday was such a big day (which is why I did not blog) with all of the activities of he Tailgait Party at church or that the weather was making me somber...It wasn't until I was brewing some espesso that I discovered what just may be the issue of saddness...Today makes an entire year since I last saw my brother.

Landen and Joyanna came to visit me last year as part of thier first Anniversary trip. I was quite honored that they squeezed me into their itenary. It was only a couple night stay but we made the most of every moment. I showed them all around Roky Mount...which took all of one evening...then we were off to the outer banks on the most humidly hot weekend of the year! We ate fish, walked the beach, camped out, visited Roanoke Island and the Elizabethean Gardens and flew kites at Kitty Hawk. There were several negative parts about the little trip out of town but they made it all the more memorable. Along with it being a very hot weekend, peacocks pecked our tent and a large Hispanic family celebrated throughout the night so our sleep was slim... we bought marshmallows and chocolate striped cookies to make smores but were unable to make them because it did not cool down at night (in fact this summer I came across the marshmallows and made smores with some friends)...We wasted 2 hours at the Roanoke Island museum watching an informational video about Wanchese and Manteo rather than information about the Lost Colony and it rained the afternoon we went to the Elizabethean Gardens so Landen had to run all the way back to the car in pouring rain to retrieve umbrellas for us girls to enojy the rest of the sloshy afternoon. We did find some great places to dine and drink coffee along the beach and we discovered a new joy in flying kites. That Friday evening we flew kites for 3 hours at Kitty Hawk on the Dunes. Landen and I always enjoyed the idea of flying kites but were never able to keep the kite in the air longer than 20 seconds but the beach is the perfect place to fly kites...I wish I could find the video of us flying kites but sadly enough it could not be found...hopefully at a later time I will be able to post the video! We ran up and down the dunes, relaxed watching our kites in the air and giggled until we could no longer. I love that!

They left on a Sunday...but stayed so they could go to my church to see where I minister because that was important to them. That Sunday was Family Sunday and I baptized for the first time. I knew it was a huge honor for me but I never thought my brother saw it such as such great honor to be present and a part of this moment... until not long ago Joyanna told me that he mentioned several times how proud he was of me and how glad he was able to be there and be a part of my life. My brother forever thought I was the best...for whatever reason...but isn't it great to have at least one person in your life who thinks you can do anything and be wonderful at everything ...even if it is not true? I think so...and now you understand why it pains my heart so deeply that my brother is gone... but God is good to be my ever present help in trouble, to comfort me with his Holy Spirit and surround me in the love of people. I am thankful...even if Landen is never replaced...I have hope. Hope in Jesus and hope that I will see Landen again...soon I trust...and sometimes I imagine singing and worshipping in heaven, exploring the wonders to show me later and sometimes I even imagine him flying kites like we did a year ago at Kitty Hawk.

And I pen from Panera today...

I am at Panera today...one of our favorite places to go. There is something about Panera's Hazelnut Coffee that recalls warm thoughts, strips away any pain from the heart and speeds up the day. I had alot to do today so here I am.

Panera was always our meeting place. We tried to study there multiple times in college, but because our schedules were so tight and we rarely recieved the oppportunity to hang out ..."studytime" soon became "chattertime"...Landen and I always had something to chat about. When we were not chatting we met new people. I remember this one night while we were "studying" at the Panera on National in Springfield ( near downtown)... we met a little, old lady. She was short with dark hair and a pinched face. She was very bitter and pesimistic. We began talking to her about her day...which was of course "awful" ...then we went into discussing life...Landen and I were able to share some life with her and she miraculously smiled. Come to find out she was just a lonely little lady and we filled one evening with some friendship! My heart is still warmed by occasions such as these.

Landen's usual was an orange scone with hazelnut coffee...mine was a cinnamon crunch bagel with hazelnut coffee...I am still known to order a cinnamon crunch bagel and a coffee in a real mug...

Post-college...Panera served as our meeting place. Time froze and happiness reigned always. I remember last summer I met Landen and Joyanna in Baltimore. We spent a good hour tracking down a Panera for breakfast. I said many times, "O, it's not that big of a deal." and Landen insisted "You wanted to eat at Panera and we ARE going to find it, Riss. It's not that big of a deal." ..and by George, we sure did! ...actually the picture for today is from that beautiful morning where we sang" Good morning, Baltimore" in Baltimore, Maryland and much laughter filled the air! I love memories as these...there are so many. Everytime I laugh or enjoy a moment I think of how proud Landen would be...but I can't help but have the thought that it would only be better with him present...he was the very best brother and friend...but all is well as I pen this from Panera today.

God is faithful.

Little Entrepreneurs

Today I am venturing out with our intern Paige Osborne to ask for donations for the Fall Family Festival and it brings to mind the many times in our childhood when Landen and I went door to door selling items or asking pledges for numerous things. We started out absolutely loving the job of going door to door thinking we had the most important job in the world… We were quite the entrepreneurs…whether it was for missions or ourselves (Olympia Sales) we were bound and determined to make a fortune some way or another.
Our first selling experience was fruit. We had to take over this Fruit Fundraiser because the youth were not doing their job to sell for Speed the Light (missions)…so the task was placed upon Landen and I and our two cousins Stephen and Shane…and yes the four of us young ones (ages 6,8,and 10) sold more than the entire youth group! We felt entirely victorious…so we took on other jobs... bike-a-thons, Christmas Cards, Christmas Ornaments, walk-a-thons, Calendars, Cookbooks, Candybars…you name it, we tried to sell it for missions.
For a while Landen and I sold for Olympia Sales for our own income. We got to keep $2 from each item that we sold. We would usually sell in the Spring and the Fall…that way we had money for Christmas presents and vacation! Of course, Mom and Dad taught us to lay out our tithe and a portion we gave to BGMC (missions). Although we passionately enjoyed selling door to door (cold or heat) we were not into pressuring people to buy or support. We had an entire little sales pitch to throw out. Landen would say, “Hello. We were just wandering if you would be interested in buying something from our magazine.” Then I would take over and talk about the magazine and all of its great products. The people would usually invite us in and we would make a new friend or two, then they would make their purchase (because face it…who could resist?)…and we would be on our way. However I remember at this one lady’s house I decided to mix up our little pitch a pinch…Landen gave his short, friendly welcome then I said, “Here you can look through our magazine and see if there is any junk you would like to purchase”…the lady smiled and suggested the we may not sell too many items if we call it junk! However she agreed to look through the magazine and ended up finding some sort of “junk" to purchase.

Later on, Landen and I made it a pact to always make a purchase from children selling things door to door and I believe I have stuck to that and I will continue.

Some good Old Country Music

When I hopped into my car to venture to work this morning country music sang through the speakers of my car...only because last night I took my CD into my house and the station had been set to country(?)..but it made me smile as my memory led me to the many times Landen made me smile by singing some cheesey country song with a twang or such nonsense.
Landen's friend, Nicholas Glore(who LOVES the country and its music) and he would pull some pretty great duets. We loved to go this theme park called "Silver Dollar City" in Branson , Missouri (which we later worked for)...especially at Christmastime. It was a theme park with music shows and ambiance from a hundred years ago. One weekend evening while in college...right before Christmas break...I remember agreeing to meet up with those guys at Silver Dollar City. As I walked into the park I remember walking up on a small crowd of people encompassing...yes... Landen and Nick...they were singing some country Christmas carols and getting quite a response! Come to find out...they had been doing this all day long throughout the park and all throughout the evening as well (against my wishes). At one point, Landen took me by surprise...grabbed my arm to spin me out and I lost my footing and fell on the ground!
We laughed...and laughed...and laughed...

Hello...

It is Wednesday...so this must be a quick thought...Wednesday's are always ridiculously busy! Landen and I tried to chat at least once a day....however we rarely caught hold of one another because we each had such crazy schedules but we would ALWAYS leave a message. Some messages would be just"I guess you must be busy right now... but when you get a chance give me a call. I love you and hope to talk to you soon!" or we'd tell the entire story of what we were going to tell in person on the phone calling back multiple times to finishthe story...Landen did not have as much patience for multiple phone calls as I did. I enjoyed calling back 3 or 4 times to finish a story but by the third phone call Landen would say "Good grief! ...I'll just talk to you later...love you!"
Landen would pick at me because he said the message would ussually cut into me finishing a melody of some sort that I had been humming or singing while waiting for his usual ridiculously long or absurd voicemail message to end so I could leave my message. He said it always made him smile...but the sweeter part is I didn't even know that it picked me up at all until about 2 years ago I answered the phone finishing a little melody and he laughed and laughed... so much he could barely speak (he must have been tired!)...and when he finally pulled himself together he said that this happens quite frequently with me! Haha...I wonder how many people's voicemails have recieved my melody leftovers? We both laughed until we cried.
Landen's voicemail messages always cracked ME up...but those can be an entirely different day's blog:)...ending conversations on the phone could be a whole other blog as well. Sometimes it would take 30 mins to an hour to end a conversation! The Saturday before he left us all we were on the phone for 2 1/2 hours ...and the 1/2 part was us saying goodbye:) We would always think of one more thing to say and then we'd say, "Well, I suppose...I should let you go..." then another thing would pop up! I think everyone who has someone close they talk to on the phone can identify with that:)
Well, I love you...and good bye...

The Reuniting

This Christmas I stumbled across this precious photo of Landen and I. My dad felt the need to frame it for me, so it now sits in my Living Room to remind me I will see Landen again someday soon. One may look at this picture and assume it was taken years and years ago but it was taken only 20 years ago in front of my dad's old chevy truck. It was an unforgetable moment of reuniting!
At the age of 2 1/2 I remember the day Landen was born. March 1, 1985. I remember holding his little warm body with the help of my dad, then later getting donuts with Dad and Grandma Reynolds while we let Landen and Mom "rest". Even with the superb idea of eating donuts with Dad and Grandma I had a difficult time leaving the hospitol. I felt such a great sense of responsiblity for my new baby brother and I didn't want anything to harm him. Many of you may not know but my brother nearly died at birth. The doctor and my dad prayed over him and he was made well! He was a miracle from the beginning! The Lord knew I needed a brother like Landen and the world needed a man like him as well.
Not long ago I was sitting in another funeral where I heard, "A life is not measured with time but impact." Landen left an incredible impact upon so many lives...the greatest in mine and I am so thankful God saw fit that Landen was my brother.

So...as you can see we were close siblings from DAY1. I helped feed and care for him, corrected him when he chose to suck his fingers, spoke for him and taught him everything I thought he needed to know. We were inseparable buddies! Then when I was 4 and he was 2 my grandparents asked me to go on a vacation with them to Michigan. I loved to travel...and still do...so with my parents' permission I went. I don't remember how long I was gone but I rememebr learning that napping in the car makes the time go by faster for long trips, painting toenails with my Aunt Debbie and hanging out with my cousin Stephen...but most of all I remember reuniting with my brother. I missed him so much. The trip had been so much fun but would have been even better with the presence of my little buddy. What I didn't know is how much more Landen missed me. Mom said every time the trains would pass Landen would run to the window, peer through the curtains and watch for me to return. Many days passed and Landen ran to the window, peered through the curtains and saw my grandparents' silver Buick pull into the driveway. A little boy with very words simply expressed his sheer happiness by jumping up and down several times, then running out the door to greet his sister. Hugs and happiness were overflowing that day of reuniting!

Now, it is my turn to be left behind and I wait...maybe not running to the window and peering through the curtains at the sound of every train whistle...but I wait. I wait to see Landen again. He is with Jesus now and I know he is having the time of his life in heaven, scoping out all the places to go and things to do so that we do not waste a moment (he was ALWAYS big on that!). It will be an excellent reuniting...and I can't wait!
...I won't need another picture either because after that day there will be no more parting!

a little introduction...

• Almost a year ago I lost my best friend in the whole entire world...my brother. Landen (age 23)died mid-October of 2008 of heart arithmea/cardiac arrest. My heart still aches missing him but I am thankful that I know we loved one another very much and we had the best adventures together. I look forward to reuniting with him in heaven, but until then I know God has a plan for life. I will be faithful until that time.

This blog is to recall all of the AMAZING adventures God graced me with my brother, Landen!