Memories...

So, two years ago today my life changed forever. I didn't get married or have a baby...I lost my brother. I went through some pictures last night in honor of Landen because he loved pictures and home movies so much. I was overwlemed with memories. My Aunt Debbie texted me some little kid pictures this morning and that sent back even more memories. Every memory is so sweet and dear, except for the day of his death. As much as I try not to dwell on the thought of the day I am distracted. It was very fitting that my devotions were Psalm 57. The chapter talks about David's heart being steadfast.

God has made my heart steadfast. I am just filled with so many memories today:

We'll begin with the first thought. I awoke this morning in quite the reflective state...not in dread but full of memories. I decided upon Cocoa Wheats which was one of my brother's favorties for breakfast. I prayed and read my devotions (Psalm 57) then started into my day but still so distracted my focus on work stuff, so I decided to jot down a few thoughts.

My dad is in Haiti for some missions stuff and immediately my mind trails back to the many advenutres Landen and I had with our family in Haiti. I found some pictures last night of he and I with this little paper doll that one of the little girls at church sent with us. We had to take the paper doll everywhere and took pictures of it with us and many forms of transportation in Haiti...this was the only picture worth showing. The others were ridiculous!

Landen and I loved airports. Our first plane trip was when I was 4 and he 2 and we flew to see Shane (our cousin) born! My favorite trip with him ever was Okinawa. We loved watching people. There are so many emotions and interactions present at an airport. Actually, we enjoyed people wherever and whenever.

I have received many messages today via Facebook telling me how special Landen made certain ones feel. It was because each and every person was genuinely special to each of us...even if we didn't know them yet! We met people shopping,studying, taking our picture, eating out, traveling...all kinds. Landen was never afraid of what people thought, which made people feel at ease around him and carry a light heart.

One time he and Joyanna met my cousin Shane and I in Souix Falls, SD for an overnight outing. We had so much fun but one of the things we did was venture to the mall. Several times Joyanna and I could not find the two boys. Each time we found them in some sort of mischief. Halloween was around the corner so lots of disguises were worn. My favorite were the housecoats in Dillards. I believe I have written about them a time before but here it is again. Joyanna and I slowly rounded the a corner in the ladies apparel of Dillards only to be greeted by Shane in a purple housecoat and Landen in a pink housecoat. I scolded them momentarilly. As I was whispering why they should get out of the housecoats a little girl sneaked around a clothes rack, snapped a picture then hurried to her mother proclaiming victoriously that she had collected a photo. We all paused, then Landen said, "See S, everyone thinks it is funny!". Sure enough and we all laughed so ridicuouly from embarrassment and randomness.

I miss all of that!

I miss laughing when I was mad.

I miss feeling like the ugliest person and being encouraged.

I miss crying then laughing then crying then laughing.

I miss talking about nothing.

I miss random adventures with Landen.