Panera Hazlenut Cofffee = Sleepless Nights

It is 2:41 in the morning and I am WIDE awake!
…Why?...
…Because of endless cups of Hazelnut coffee at Panera this evening. I can not sleep and a thick fog of endless thoughts now looms about me. I remember this happening a time before. I was in college and I had been studying at Panera drinking one cup after another of delicious Hazlenut coffee. I watched every hour pass throughout the night and the next day I still surged with energy. I can only hope to be so fortunate once again tomorrow. Many times I studied accompanied by coffee late into the night and my sleep was rarely hindered;however Panera Hazlenut coffee seems to affect my sleep. Although I enjoy coffee ‘very muchly’ it always seems to take quite a while for me to accomplish a cup from Starbucks and the like. I usually conserve about 1/3 to ½ of a cup for later. Panera is about the only place I could seriously sit down and drink cup after cup of warm, delicious coffee.
Many times I would be walking holding a cup of coffee to my 7:25a.m. class of the semester ( for I had not one semester without an early class) and run into Landen. One day Landen shook his head and said, “How in the world do you find time to race to Starbucks before an early morning class?” When I expressed how I had warmed it from the night before Landen was thoroughly disgusted.
I don’t know if I shall watch every hour pass tonight or if I may get a couple of hours of rest. Rest would be good. I was laying here thinking only moments ago about another time I was sleepless. That particular time I rose to the bathroom to make a change about myself. I chose to cut my hair. That night I eliminated about 5 to 6 inches of my red hair. I had started out with the thought of putting some layers into my hair…then side bangs…then chop-snip-chop-snip…I had a full-blown haircut! Alarmed at my own randomness I phoned my brother immediately even though it was 3 in the morning.
“I just would like to tell you that I am not crying but I am quite alarmed with myself.”
“What did you do?”
“I cut my hair. 5 to 6 inches. Layers…side bangs… and everything!”
“Right now? It’s 3 in the morning!!! Larissa this is why you should not make decisions at late into the night! Well…how does it look?”That night I discovered that I had a surprise gifting of cutting hair because it looked pretty good and was completely even. The next day I even received many compliments. I only told a select few that I was the one who randomly cut my own hair in the middle of the night.
Landen and I loved to stay up late together. The summer we both worked at Celebration City we didn’t get home until 11:30 or midnight so we were terribly hungry and awake. We would make stuff to eat and watch some Feature Family Film movie or talk. I am so glad for that summer. That was also the summer that Landen and Joyanna started talking…so I had to share Landen for part of the night. As the summer progressed the phone conversations grew longer and I lost more time with Landen but he was happy. The most memorable of phone conversations was the night Joyanna was house-sitting for some people and the dogs got loose and she spent hours trying to get them back all the while being on the phone with my brother. While he talked I would shower or play the piano (which I am positive my sleeping parents thoroughly enjoyed).
Wow…that all seems a lifetime ago! An entirely happy lifetime ago. God has been turning mourning into dancing and sorrow into joy. I will ALWAYS miss Landen and ALWAYS wish he could just be here for EVERYTHING but God has been so good in the midst of sadness. I am happy. God has blessed me with a great job and excellent friends - new and old… I have my mom and dad who love me so very much, a wonderful extended family and a lovely sister-in-law…An incredible church and so much more…it’s just a different chapter in life or sometimes it feels like a whole other book! There is so much I would love to get Landen’s “take” on or that I want to tell him but somehow this crazy little blog helps with that. I could use a “Landen hug” right now. A “Landen hug” was firm and made me feel like everything was alright. It is alright…just miss him…that’s all.
I am afraid I am going to have to just MAKE myself close my eyes… I have chatted about everything from coffee to haircuts to phone conversations and sentiments… It is now 3:27 and I can not allow myself to loom in this fog any longer. I am now starving and I may just have to pull out the Buttercream Gang (a Feature Family Film if you are not familiar with such a movie title) to land myself in dream land.