Christmastime

It has been rainy and grey outside for so long...it always makes me feel so reflective...Lately I have been such a "joy" to be a round because I remind myself of my Grandma Mockry. I get to talking about memories and keep going on and on. I see others are yanking to get away but stay to be polite and I don't notice until I've gone on too long...This is the purpose of the Blog...not to drag people but to get it out because it conjures warmth of the soul and keeps my brother alive in my heart.
I set up my tree last night. I made sure there were plenty of lights. Christmas decorating was Landen's favorite. I have plenty of stories! ...since I am not talking to anyone I am going to take the time to type them out!
My mother has always been good at embracing each moment and making it memorable. She made especially the holidays special. Landen carried that on...
Dad usually put together our tree (fake as it was...beautiful) then the lights which he usually became so frustrated with that mom ended up finishing. Dad would then find himself in the blue recliner fast asleep while the rest of us placed ornaments on the tree and talked about years gone by. We have an ornament from every year. Some of the ornaments contain pictures...some are adorable others are hideous! I have this one ornament in the shape of a star with my 4th grade picture...that one would be hideous! Landen and my mom would ALWAYS make sure it was placed on the tree. If I removed it and tried to hide it, one or the other would discover so and demand it to be replaced.
Every year mom did something different with the tree and this always kept Landen in suspense. She's added sprigs, random garland, lights and treetoppers. I remember one year we had 3 different sets of lights on the tree! I thought it was a little ridiculous and extravagant but Landen adored it!
My first year home for Christmas from college Landen in the midst of pneumonia outlined the entire house in Christmas lights. He just thought I needed Christmas! Last year, my friend Sue Sue gave me some money to get something to remind me of Landen and I bought lights for outside. How splendid to walk home and be welcomed by warm Christmas lights!
Last night after I was through decorating some more friends came over for hot drinks and Christmas shows. We were talking about Thanksgiving and I don't remember how it was brought up but one my friends reminded me that last year Ladnen had planned to bring me up there for Thanksgiving. The weekend he left we were confirming dates. That never happened...and I wish so much it would have...and in some ways I wished I had never remembered that could have happened. I loved spending time with Landen...especially the holidays. I am not to say every holiday will never be because he is gone...but it definitely is not even close to the same. He would be very upset if I stopped making memoires because he was gone. Even today I was thinking back to last Christmas when I went to Tulsa and much of our family joined us so that we could be together. I was snowed in Chicago and almost missed Christmas...the airlines lost my bags so I didn't get my gifts until after we had all unwrapped presents. When I finally recieved my bags ..not having time to wrap my gifts...I placed my gifts inside a large bag and played Santa Clause. It was different but Landen would have loved it! He would have also loved that my little cousin Sarah made notes for everyone so she had something for everyone too...and she became Santa's little helper.
There are so many other memories. My heart rages with them at times. I miss Landen so much. What makes me hurt worse is to hear people complain about their family or not want to spend time with them. People who take advantage of gifts from our Father. If they only knew...
What in the world I would do without my loving Saviour, this I do not know...but He is my rock...my strength and my song...He has become my salvation...He gives me hope each day.