The Adventures with Landen and Larissa

The Heart

2012-02-13T05:59:00.000-08:00

I started this new Mark Batterson book today called, "Primal". Within the first few pages he talks about research with heart transplants and how it is more than just a working vessel that is transplanted. Dreams and desires often accompany the heart. Thinking of this made me feel saddened we were unable to donate your heart but it was all used up...then I thought again...It was all used up! It was all used up because you took advantage of every opportunity and lived your life to fulfill God's purposed and dreams He had placed within your heart.

I loved your heart.

Email from Itsuko

2012-02-10T07:02:00.001-08:00

Ooooooo...I wish Landen could be here for these exciting days! I have thought this sooooo many times...

Yesterday I received this email from our dear sweet and wonderful sister/friend, Itsuko. He would have loved it!

Larissa,

Time is so... close and I am praying for you and Jason daily.

Just take good care of yourself.

I just would love to know your address to be your new home.

Please tell me for the mail address.

From now until the day ( Glory to God!)

This is what you want to take.

1. Take a walk. ( I know you are busy; but you can walk in prayers!!)Best for your physical strengh and spitually good:)

2. Put the aroma like your favorite candles ( makes you relaxed. )

3. Schedules and pen ( Cross it off as you accomplished)

4. Take a bath ( before going to bed. Helps you sleep tight and makes your complexion smooth for the make up on your special day!!)

5. Soy milk ( Good for all women )

6. Eat Veggies, fruits and good protein ( chicken, fish, soy beans)

7. PRAYERS!! ( go to bed earlier and get up earlier!!) Morning prayer is the vital!

Larissa, are you planning not to show your wedding gown to Jason until you stand in the aile to walk with Mr. Leonard?

I did. I never showed until the moment I appeared with my Dad in the sanctuary.

Wedding gown is white and pure and you would like to walk with your Daddy. The moment is so special and sacred.

I love you and I think about your often and smiled at you.

God is so faithful!!

Itsuko and her sweet, long-awaited husband, Kim McNiel >

September 30th,2011

2011-10-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

Life has been so entirely full. I have meant to post several times over the past year but was just too caught up in life that I didn't have time...I guess that is a good thing.

This past week at Bible Study we were talking about one of Satan's greatest tactics is getting us to believe that God's plans for us are not GOOD.

I am ashamed to say that that is probably one of the greatest ways the devil has tried to lie to me. I believed God had a plan and He was working it for my good but could not believe that I would actually enjoy it. I think I thought God had the same pick as my Elementary PE teacher. When the Square-Dancin

g unit (yes, I am from Nebraska) came around I NEVER liked my partner and we were always most awkward and I just cooperated to get the best grade I could. Over the past couple of years God has done a revolutionizing work in my heart and mind accepting that not only did God have a plan for me but it was GOOD (not just working for my good). It is a plan not just for who I was to marry but for my life.

Over the past several months God has brought someone into my life whom I would have CHOSEN - not been assigned to and I love it!

Here is a post I wished to have posted September 30th:

Landen,

There is so very much I want to tell you! It's been so long since we've got to talk and so much to catch up on but I will start with the most recent. Last night 'the man of my dreams' asked me to marry him! Can you believe it? Miracles never cease!!!

You would love him, I know you would because there are many things about him that remind me of you! Actually, you met him when you were here to visit...only for a minute...but I am sure you found him kind and jovial. His name is Jason. I've enjoyed working with him over the past few years. I love his heart for God and for people. We have so much fun together. He loves coffee! He incredibly fits every quality I wrote down like you told me to do. Mom says that we fit "hand in glove"! We went home to spend time with mom and dad in OK and MO (of course...haha) and we missed you. I almost didn't want to make the trip because I knew you were not going to be there but in some strange way it was ok. Not that Jason replaces you, he brings a sort of missing dynamic which you left. Dad was more light-hearted than I had seen since you left. It's been a tough 3 years but we're ok and looking forward to seeing you again!

So, last night...

Well, first of all let me say... Jason prepared me before my birthday that I would NOT be getting a ring for my birthday. Instead he gave to me tickets to the Frank Sinatra Tribute in Durham called, "Come Fly Away". Jason loves Frank Sinatra as well...honestly he likes Nat King Cole best but we both love the song, " Just the Way You Look Tonight". I thought that THIS would be where he proposed.

September 29th came (the day of the concert) and Justin went into labor. The doctor said that the baby could come in between 1 and 6 in the afternoon. We needed to leave at 4. I prayed that she would have the baby before and not long after the doctor said she was ready to push! I got to stay in the room and see LIFE begin it's time on earth and it's THE MOST amazing experience! Of course I cried, but who could remain dry-eyed at such a miracle? I wish you could have experienced such an amazing piece of life, however I sure by now you have seen much greater miracles!

Anyway, It was just after 2 and Jason suggested we not go to the concert. I was disappointed first of all, I wanted to go but also I thought that I was for sure wrong now! He wanted to cancel the very ordeal that I thought just may be our BIG NIGHT. I did feel torn because I wanted to stay with new little Jonas and my best friend, Justin (It has always made me so very sad that you never met her but you would think she was incredible!) YET I rushed home, showered, put some curls in my hair and my special dress from Kim's wedding. We missed our reservations because someone forgot to pull music so Jason had to get music and run it to the other campus but we still got to get a bite to eat from a place across the street from the DPAC called, "The Tobacco Road". There were fountains in the courtyard and it was the most beautiful Autumn evening.

The DPAC was filled with Big Band music and decorated in the most vibrant reds. There were so many people but it felt like it was just us. Jason bought us coffee and a giant cookie to enjoy during the performance. There were dancers who performed while the band played along with Frank's voice. Such talent! The third to the last song was, "Just the Way You Look Tonight". I knew from the intro. I smiled and looked at "the man of my dreams" (we joke about it but I mean it!) and he at me. He placed his arm around me, which seemed a little stiff or nervous, but I thought it was just because we were dressed up. Jason let the song play through a few lines then whispered,

"Larissa, do you love me?"

I said, "Yes, I love you!"

He said, "Do you love me enough to spend the rest of your life with me?"

I said, "Yes." (He's asked me these two questions before.)
He paused then said," Larissa, Will you marry me?"

I said, "Absolutely yes!" Then I paused because I recognized this had never been asked of me before by him or any other man and I just said, "yes!". Then I looked down to find the most sparkly diamond at the end of my short,

stubby ring finger. He asked me again and I answered this time with a kiss. He slid the ring on my finger. My stubby little finger has never looked so elegant!

When we got out to the car he gave me the sweetest card. Then we went to Barnes

and Noble for MORE coffee for the ride home. While waiting, I shifted my feet and fell into Jason's arms (i know, you are saying O BROTHER and laughing hysterically but not much has changed...I'm still you're old ridiculous sister!). The lady behind the counter was very concerned. I stood up, laughing and qualified myself by saying, "This is just what happens when your best friend gives birth and you get engaged all in one day!".

So much more to tell you, my dear brother and so much more to come...I miss you and wish you were here but know that I carry you in my heart! I still wear your sister ring you gave to me...on my right hand now;)

I love you forever and ever!

Larissa

We Love U, Landen

2010-10-20T14:04:00.000-07:00

A couple years ago my sister in law and brother travelled all the way down to North Carolina to visit me. I took them to the Outer Banks where we fell in love with Jockey's Ridge. I have not been back since, until yesterday.
Joyanna was down visiting with her mother and father and we went altogether. We decided to write a message in the sand in remembrance of Landen who especially enjoyed the dunes. He ran around like a little boy with a kite in one hand and his video camera in the other. He wrote little messages in the sand as well. I will never forget such delight!
Love and miss you, Landen!!!

Memories...

2010-10-20T13:27:00.000-07:00

So, two years ago today my life changed forever. I didn't get married or have a baby...I lost my brother. I went through some pictures last night in honor of Landen because he loved pictures and home movies so much. I was overwlemed with memories. My Aunt Debbie texted me some little kid pictures this morning and that sent back even more memories. Every memory is so sweet and dear, except for the day of his death. As much as I try not to dwell on the thought of the day I am distracted. It was very fitting that my devotions were Psalm 57. The chapter talks about David's heart being steadfast.

God has made my heart steadfast. I am just filled with so many memories today:

We'll begin with the first thought. I awoke this morning in quite the reflective state...not in dread but full of memories. I decided upon Cocoa Wheats which was one of my brother's favorties for breakfast. I prayed and read my devotions (Psalm 57) then started into my day but still so distracted my focus on work stuff, so I decided to jot down a few thoughts.

My dad is in Haiti for some missions stuff and immediately my mind trails back to the many advenutres Landen and I had with our family in Haiti. I found some pictures last night of he and I with this little paper doll that one of the little girls at church sent with us. We had to take the paper doll everywhere and took pictures of it with us and many forms of transportation in Haiti...this was the only picture worth showing. The others were ridiculous!

Landen and I loved airports. Our first plane trip was when I was 4 and he 2 and we flew to see Shane (our cousin) born! My favorite trip with him ever was Okinawa. We loved watching people. There are so many emotions and interactions present at an airport. Actually, we enjoyed people wherever and whenever.

I have received many messages today via Facebook telling me how special Landen made certain ones feel. It was because each and every person was genuinely special to each of us...even if we didn't know them yet! We met people shopping,studying, taking our picture, eating out, traveling...all kinds. Landen was never afraid of what people thought, which made people feel at ease around him and carry a light heart.

One time he and Joyanna met my cousin Shane and I in Souix Falls, SD for an overnight outing. We had so much fun but one of the things we did was venture to the mall. Several times Joyanna and I could not find the two boys. Each time we found them in some sort of mischief. Halloween was around the corner so lots of disguises were worn. My favorite were the housecoats in Dillards. I believe I have written about them a time before but here it is again. Joyanna and I slowly rounded the a corner in the ladies apparel of Dillards only to be greeted by Shane in a purple housecoat and Landen in a pink housecoat. I scolded them momentarilly. As I was whispering why they should get out of the housecoats a little girl sneaked around a clothes rack, snapped a picture then hurried to her mother proclaiming victoriously that she had collected a photo. We all paused, then Landen said, "See S, everyone thinks it is funny!". Sure enough and we all laughed so ridicuouly from embarrassment and randomness.

I miss all of that!

I miss laughing when I was mad.

I miss feeling like the ugliest person and being encouraged.

I miss crying then laughing then crying then laughing.

I miss talking about nothing.

I miss random adventures with Landen.

28 years

2010-09-29T13:01:00.000-07:00

I have wanted to write for such a long time but the circumstances of life would not allow me to do so. There has been much to anticipate and discover throughout the summer. I feel as though God has allowed me to be so busy to keep my hope renewed in Him. I am still having those dreams which seem so real but wear me out for the next day. The dreams are as simple as Landen and I walking around the Fargo Walmart ALL NIGHT long! Simple but emotionally and physically draining as I awake to discover Landen is not here let alone walking the earth and I feel as though I did not sleep one minute. With that I am still somewhat glad to have the dreams.
So, I have been going here and there with the kids at church and with other friends. I never really anticipated so much activity but I am grateful for every bit of it. Right before my birthday I received the grand opportunity to venture to Chicago and see my sister in law. In the airport I took out my laptop for abit but I had to put it away because my emotion was too stirred…
All I wrote: The airport is always an amazing place to think and watch people. Tonight I am in Charlotte, NC. I am on my way to Chicago to see Joyanna. It seems so strange to be going to see her without going to see Landen…still. It kind of makes me think of that October day I had to meet her in Albany.
Landen would have been so proud of both of us because neither one of us cried the entire weekend! It felt so warm to be together. We did everything the way we would have if he would have been around. We went from site to site squeezing in coffee shoppes along the way. Although Landen should have been there with us, between the two of us it felt like he was there.
Landen was always super at making anyone feel special. He threw the greatest surprises and got the best unexpected gifts, as I mentioned before in earlier posts. This year’s birthday reminded me of the year he put together a caravan of our friends and planned an entire day to St. Louis. We needed one more person to fill a spot so my friend, Kimberly and I chose Joyanna. I remember feeling awful because she didn’t get to ride with us and she HAD to ride in the passenger seat with Landen. What we did not know is this was a DIVINE OPPORTUNITY! Joyanna and Landen had the opportunity to get to know one another and liked what they discovered.
The entire day was beautiful. We took the metro all around the city. We found ourselves at Union Station, shopping downtown, eating at the Spaghetti Factory, playing cards at humungous park and viewing the ever spectacular Arch. While walking toward the arch my cousin Stephen and Landen rushed up behind me and hoisted me upon their shoulders as Landen loudly announced to the surrounding crowds of people that it was my birthday. “Attention EVERYONE! We are celebrating Larissa’s birthday!”. Then they all sang. This was my 22nd birthday.
This year I celebrated 28 years. It has now been 2 birthday’s Landen has missed but I am forever thankful for every other birthday he was present for.
When I go home I saw my bear sitting now on my dresser so that Mr. Bently can not reach it and I dared to press the furry little hand.
“Larissa, I love you so much. You are the best sister that anyone could ask for and my best friend. I want you to have a Happy Birthday and I want you to know that I will always be there for you.”

A New Little Friend

2010-06-04T13:14:00.000-07:00

I brought home a puppy on Monday. He is a little morkie. Landen would be so incredibly happy for me. He always wanted me to have a dog because he loved dogs so much. He thought it was "just what I needed". I’ve held off so long because I guess I am so selfish but I feel like God would use this to take me to a greater level of maturity... so here we go...I may be starting yet another blog!

I was blessed to find the little guy. I have yet to name him…thinking of Martin, Luther, Bently, Franklin or Duncan…soon to come. I remember our first puppy was a Skipper. Dad named him. Landen and I came home from staying at our grandparents in Nebraska. I was 5 and Landen 3. Dad thought it was time for us kids to have a dog to learn some responsibility. A family had just moved to our town from Louisianna bringing a cocker spaniel and several little puppies and he got one for us! Skipper was nothing but a black fur ball. He grew and grew. Skipper chased us around the yard. He played house and church with us. He drug us on walks. Then a few years down the road we added to our family a black schnauzer. We named him Spritz. Spritz was very hyper but fun for us kids because he was much smaller and after 5 years ran out in front of car and was ran over. Our little hearts were crushed. 2 years passed. We continued to care for Skipper but our hearts missed Spritz and for Landen’s 13th birthday mom and dad took us to Henry, Nebraska (almost in Wyoming) to pick out a little schnauzer fro, m a litter. We came home with a tiny salt and pepper puppy who would be the best dog we ever had. We had the most terrible time coming up with a name for the little guy. We had thought about Duncan for him…Pepsi, Sherlock and Rascal but ended up with Colonel MacDuff and nicknamed him Duffy. In fact we had decided on Pepsi and went away for the weekend with out cousins. When we returned our mom called for “Duffy, come see who is home.”
“Duffy?”
“Well, your Dad and I thought he looked more like a Duff.”
So his name became Colonel MacDuff.
McDuff was actually more Landen’s dog than anyone’s...but I loved caring for our dogs with my brother. I'll have to locate some more pics.

District Council June 1-2, 2010

2010-06-04T13:13:00.000-07:00

At Distirct Council this week. I remember a good many councils which we attended with our parents in the Nebraska district. I remember the services were always super and I enjoyed getting to see my cousins whose parents also were pastors and meeting people. During the morning sessions our mom would take us shopping or swimming then in the afternoon or evening we would attend the services.
This has been a great council. The James River Assembly team spoke. This moring we had a dear time in communion and they led out in the old song "The Blood Will Never Lose It’s Power". Wonderful song but also brought me back to singing with my family and also attending such valuable meetings with my family. I have never enjoyed ministering with anyone more than my brother. What a blessing and honor to minister with such a talented man of God.

Memorial Day May 31, 2010

2010-06-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

Two years ago TODAY I met Landen and Joyanna in Baltimore where we stayed the night at the Hilton Garden Inn and spent the entire next day exploring good old Baltimore. We sang, “Good Morning Baltimore” all throughout the day!

Vacation May 30,2010

2010-06-04T12:57:00.000-07:00

Vacation. Nothing like it. My friends Angie and Asa are coming for a visit today. This morning I awoke and went out for breakfast with a friend. On my way to pick her up on this bright summer morning I saw a gentleman wearing shorts and a “vacation shirt” crossing the asphalt lot! My heartbeat sped up a bit and I smiled because it was simply from the excitement of the thought of vacation.

Every year our family tried to take a break from everyday life whether it be a simple little get a way like a camping trip or a great vacation to Disney World. Landen and I loved vacation! A lot of times the smell of asphalt…fried foods or sun screen would excite us. We would say, “It smells like vacation!”.
Many times we would have countdowns. One year I remember a countdown starting 72 days out! I believe that was the year we took our foster brother and sister camping in Missouri! It really was one of our best vacation memories and most anticipated. We camped for about a week and went in and out of Silver Dollar City all week because we all had season passes. In the evenings we would miniature golf, swim or just hang out by the campfire roasting marshmallows, talking and joking. Of course we walked the Branson strip and went shopping.
My sophomore year of college our cousin Karlyn came down to Missouri and we showed her all around. Such warm memories…our favorite jokes of that week was that we were looking so forward to discovering Rockaway Beach. We had heard that is where the movie stars used to vacation. Once we arrived at the rundown resort and it was raining we were thoroughly disappointed but couldn’t keep from laughing and it has become a life long joke when faced with disappointments. This vacation was before everyone had debit cards. Landen and I had checking accounts but no one took checks! So we made many trips to walmart buying 25 cent packs of gum and writing the check for $20 over so we could have change! Praise God for Debit cards!!!
My senior year of High School we went to Disney World on frequent flyer miles. It was a dream fulfilled for my parents because they had always wanted to take us but never worked out until then. We had the time of our lives!
My favorite vacation of all was probably visiting our friend Itsuko Tiara in Okinawa, Japan. Just Landen and I went but we had such a memorable time. I wouldn’t have gone with anyone else!
I wish Landen was here to go on another vacation or I could take his little kids to Disney or visit them but I can’t…however someday I am going to take an eternal vacation.

My Haitian brother John wrote a song about that:
I’m gonna take a vacation
Past the moon and stars
I’m walk on those golden streets
No Traffic No cars
I’m gonna lay in the Sonshine
I’m gonna drink from the River of Life
I’m going home for vacation
I won’t be coming back!
So everytime you get a thrill of vacation coming…whether it be a scent or sound or feeling…keep in mind of the eternal vacation ahead! I’d be thrilled to have you join us!!!

Serving Banquets

2010-05-13T14:19:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write last week but ...goodness...it has been so busy...One thing IMMEDIATELY after the other. I am actually going to take a break this weekend before summer sets in. I am going to see our little cousin, Sarah..who claims now that we are sisters!
I have missed Landen sooo very much this week. There are days where I find it absolutely unbelievable that he is gone. Once my mind finally conceives the horrible concept my spirit feels heavy. I would not trade the 23 years I had with my brother for many people's life time relationships. God blessed me with such a person...THAT is hardly believable!
Anyway...last week was the Chick-Fil-A Leadercast. My friend Stuart and I helped serve the food for it. It brought back all of me and Landen's banquet serving days. I don't know that there was anything we enjoyed more. We served at banquets, funerals, weddings, reunions...you name it...we were there...Every year our youth group would put on an extravagant Valentine's Banquet. There was a France theme...one year we did a cruise and even another year we did a cowboy theme. Our first year mom and dad made us sing some love song together but we didn't want to. Because we didn't want to sing, we didn't work at it too hard at it. When it came time to sing we forgot the words to the chorus...however miraculously we remembered the verses... but the remarkable thing was we sang the same words in harmony! No one but our parents knew!!! Once the song was done everyone applauded then we exited. When we reached the kitchen Landen said, "How embarrassing! We are NEVER singing together again! Never!"...yet we did and I enjoyed singing with my brother...just not love songs.

Pizza

2010-04-21T14:15:00.000-07:00

I was running around like crazy today...by lunch time I was at the Nashville Campus and decided to pop in over across the street at LaMamma's for a slice of pizza. While eating and driving back to the main campus I thought of Landen. Pizza was our favorite. Growing up many Friday nights consisted of eating pizza and doing some family activity. When he and Joyanna moved to Albany Landen thought it was the best that instead running down to get a hamburger or a sandwich they ran down to get a slice of pizza. They had many excellent little pizza shoppes. When I visited that December Landen and Joyanna took me to get pizza after a long day of ice skating and exploring Albany. Landen insisted that I try Buffalo Wing Pizza and I am sure glad that he did because it was probably the most tasty slice of pizza I have ever absorbed! Delicious!!!

Rattlesnake Eggs at Dolly's Trinkets and Treasures

2010-04-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

Philippians 4:13

2010-04-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

Last night I was going through some old papers and found a note from my brother in 1996. We were homeschooling at the time and I was having some difficulty with Math and I felt like a complete and utter failure. There would always be a huge dramatic display at this time of day because I wanted to do well but I was not doing well and I was extremely frustrated.
Landen wrote:
My dear Sister:
I just want you to know that I am praying for you every time it comes time for you to do your math. I know you are frustrated. You are not stupid. Just remember Philippians 4:13. I love you! You can do it!!!
Love,
Landen
Today has been 1 year and a half since Landen left us.
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
How wonderful to have had a brother to remind me of just that.

High Heels

2010-04-20T10:08:00.000-07:00

This morning I talked with my Grandma Reynolds who has been sick for almost a year and a half with something called "gion beret syndrome". It has affected her strength to stand and walk. At Christmas she said many times, "I'm going to wear high heels again!".
This morning she said, 'Landen would be so proud of me!".
"Why is that?" I asked.
"Well, I wore high heels to church on Sunday...they weren't too high but they still had a heel!" . Not only that but she and Grandpa took a walk around the block! She is getting stronger everyday!!!
Landen would just be elated that she is doing much better but he was always obsessed with shoes, especially high heels. He always thought a lady looked classier with high heels. Praise the Lord he found a wife who felt the same way!

Lawns, Gardens and Driveways

2010-04-19T17:09:00.000-07:00

Today is a beautiful, sunshiney kind of day! Growing up Landen and I lived for these kind of days…I think even after we became grown ups we lived for these days! I have the day off today and have spent much of the day catching up on a few things but I have had the rare opportunity to work in my tiny garden out back and sit on my front step reading and writing.
Several things come to mind:
First of all, every summer in between age 8 and 15(for me) Landen and I put together our own little flower bed to care for throughout the summer. As we grew older we were given the assignment to care for Mom and Dad’s. Landen cut the lawn and I took care of the flower beds. I cut the lawn only once but apparently I did not do so well because Dad said that we should just stick to Landen cutting the lawn.
Dad was always concocting some sort of strategy on how Landen should cut the lawn. Criss Cross, diagonal, up and down…this was all discussed at the dinner table from spring until fall. There was always some logic behind the plan. It was either to thicken the grass or to make the lawn look neater or something of the sort. Anyway, Landen concocted some of his own plans. One time Landen cut an “N” in the middle of the lawn to stand for Nebraska. I guess he thought we would show a little team spirit? Dad said that it was neat but Landen needed to go ahead and cut the entire lawn. Another time Landen thought it would be wise to put the lawn mower on the lowest cutting level so that he wouldn’t have to cut grass for a while…the grass was cut quite short and burned and Dad was not pleased.
Almost every house we lived in growing up had a row of rhubarb in the backyard. For those of you who do not know what rhubarb may be it is characterized as a tart fruit that many times is baked into desserts mixed with strawberries. They are green steams with leafy heads. You tear off the red casing around the stem, wash and enjoy. Landen and I enjoyed just eating this delicious, tart treat in the back yard. Many times Landen had a salt shaker or sugar bowl to take the tartness away but most of the time we ate the rhubarb just the way it was. We would either pretend we were running away (inspired by the Boxcar Children and On Our Own) or lost (inspired by Hatchet and or just being adventurous) and living off the land. Sometimes we would just find a spot to sit and chat while enjoying the tart treat. It hardly seems like summer without a bit of rhubarb.
Once we lived in a house with mulberry bushes. Needlesstosay, many summer dinners were spoiled between feasting off the mulberry bushes and rhubarb in the back yard!
The driveway to our house from age 8 to 15 had quite a steep incline. Landen and I would set the our Radio Flyer Red Wagon at the top, load up, look for cars, push off and rolldown the driveway into the street…then rush the wagon back to the top of the driveway and replay again and again. When my mother discovered what we were doing she was horrified and expressed her great concern. We could not see the danger in rolling down the driveway in our little Radio Flyer Red Wagon….afterall we had looked for cars!
Our little wagon also served as our tram when we played Silver Dollar City with William, Tricha, Stephen and Shane. We would attach the wagon to the back of one of our bikes with a jump rope, load the wagon with passengers and trail throughout the neighborhood as though we were taking our passengers to our favorite Amusement Park.
Some days spark more thoughts than others…I guess this is one of those days…Many more thoughts are trickling through my mind but I shall save them to share for yet another day.

I wanted to tell Landen about Field Day

2010-04-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today I really wanted to call Landen to tell him a bunch of stuff...especially about the little Field Day at Pope but since he is not here I am am going to write some stuff he would have appreciated.

I arrived a little late and the teacher I work with was almost in tears because the day had been chaos. The kids attacked me with hugs and kisses...which I love...but I want them to follow instruction so it is difficult to soak in the love and reciprocate.

The kids from my class had won every event!

We lined the kids up once again and they had me participate in the VERMONT ICE CREAM RACE relay...so I ran a race with my little friends.

A parent bought the entire classroom ice cream cones but we had to wait an eternity for them so while we waited we took pictures with the camera. A couple of the kids were quite the photographers.

Ice Cream...YES...an entire primitive concession stand for FIELD DAY! Funnel Cakes...French Fries...Ice Cream ...Sodas...This I had never heard or seen!!! The Funnel Cakes and Fries were fried over little pots on the ground...just how they cook in Haiti.

It was hot and the kids were tired, thirsty and bored because it was not a well-organized event. Parents were all over the place and we could only hope that kids were going home with the correct people. SCARY!

The kids were all mad at me because I didn't help them with their TUG OF WAR. They thought if I would have helped their class team (TEAM ORANGE) would have won! When we got back into the classrooom, because he was not supposed to be talking, one little boy wrote on the board "Why didn't you help us?". I had to explain that it was against the rules for me to help with the TUG OF WAR. Haha... Number 1 - they must think I am strong. Number 2- they think I am one of them and not an assistant.

I love my class at Pope...and I think they know that and return love. I surprised them for their Valentine's Day party and some of them were so surprised they exclaimed "I can't believe you came, Miss Larissa! I can't believe it!" ...then another little guy piped up, "Of course Miss Larissa would come!!! It's Valentine's Day!".

Landen and I kept a list of African American names that we loved...I have a few to add

Shamiraka

Ashanti

Zourianna

Myana

Landen's favorite was forever "Avita". He came back from an internship and we named a puppet "Avita" because he loved it so much.

A letter from Susie...

2010-04-16T08:57:00.000-07:00

I just got this little email message from Susie Davey- Landen's Pastor's wife in Albany:
...So many times Keith and I think of Landen. Miss him so. There is still nobody like him. One of his older youth boys just had a son-named him Landen. Really took me by surprise because this kid was in and out, mom usually messed up on crack n they re not around anymore. But just got email thngs are better now and he named his son after Landen. Thinking of an innr city kid named landen still makes me say hmmm. Wonder what the street version of that name could become-ha ha. But knowing the impact landen must hav had on ths kid is amazing. God is still moving through his life while here in albany. Lov u! Wish we could c u sometime. Susie

I have to admit this made me smile this morning.
After Landen died I was sitting at the kitchen table sharing my heart with my friend and neighbor, Laura McFarland. She encouraged me to pray that the seeds Landen planted would be watered and harvested. I began to pray just that...Life is such a puzzling mystery at times but thank God we know the creator and He is taking care of everything!
Landen did ABSOLUTELY love those kids in Albany...along with his wife Joyanna.

Dolly Parton...Jesus and Gravity

2010-04-13T09:49:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gyqjSn-q34
My friend Justin and I went home to Missouri this past week. It was so good to be with my family...of course I greatly missed my brother being there. It was always more fun with Landen! However I am thankful for every moment.
While travelling back we stopped in Nashville and happened upon Dolly Parton's "Trinkets and Treasures" shoppe downtown. Inside they were playing this song...Something lifting me up... and I remarked, "Wow! This is almost a song about Jesus!" then the course kicked in and sure enough it was!!!
Landen and I always enjoyed a bit of Dolly. Growing up we used to watch one of her movies every Christmas called, "Smoky Mountain Christmas". In fact the last month of Landen's life one her songs (Coat of Many Colors) played on the mix at Starbucks everyday and he would sing it to make fun... I can still hear him!
He would have loved that I got my picture made at the shoppe and better yet that I was posting one of Dolly's songs. The words to the song are actually quite rich and a testimony of how God does uphold us everyday. So true...

Herschend Family Entertainment

2010-03-29T12:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I was notified that the new show on CBS "Undercover Boss" was sending Joel Manby to some of Herchend Family properties to see the job that their employees do. It was a very enjoyable show.

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/undercover_boss/video/

My family and I worked for Herschend Family Entertainment. I only had the privilege to work at Celebration City but my mom, dad and brother worked for Celebration and Silver Dollar City.

Growing up Silver Dollar City was ALWAYS our favorite place to visit. They are voted #1 in the amusement industry. They are very God- Family oriented, friendly, clean and a joy to work for. The people who work for Herschend are a true family who pull together in the good and bad times. When my mom found out she had cancer all of my mom and dad's's friends/ coworkers at Silver Dollar City pulled together to help with funds, visitation and filling shifts so she could keep her job. Then Landen died and "the family" was there..including managers and such.

I began working at Celebration City at a time when nothing was working out for me...NO ONE wanted to give me a job not even Ruby Tuesday's...My brother suggested me working with him...so I applied...then Mr. Hunt gave me a job and all of my managers encouraged me and made me feel worth something and I loved my job until God opened the door for me to go to Minnesota.

The best company!!!

I don't think words could ever describe my thankful heart toward them. I pray God's continual blessing upon them as they try to do business the right way,

Next week I am going home!!! I get to take a friend with me and I am so excited to take her to Silver Dollar City!

Mary Poppins

2010-03-29T12:26:00.001-07:00

One of mine and my brother's most favorite movies was "Mary Poppins". The first time we saw it was around Easter. We had just received colorful umbrellas in our Easter Baskets. Mine was Pink with Black dots. We used our umbrellas to float in the air like Mary Poppins, playing hours and hours then watching and re watching the colorful musical.

They summer of my internship I was alone for abit and couldn't sleep in the night. Landen was working at Celebration City so he was up late. I called one night and he said, "I am so tired I can't talk...but too tired I can't sleep." So I suggested watching a movie over the phone. The only movie we each had was "Mary Poppins"...so we started the movies at the same time to make sure they were sinqued then enjoyed the nostalgic children's musical together....TIMELESS!

This week I have been so tired I can not sleep and not long ago my friend Johnny gave me the treasure of "Mary Poppins", so I pulled it out and popped it into the DVD player and let Mary's world come alive and bring happiness to my heart!

Kim and Kimi

2010-03-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

I must be honest….today is an extremely tough day. It should be no surprise because yesterday at GOkids we talked about Job and “I will worship God in the good times and Bad times”. I feel as though I have and as I said in Life Group last night, “I feel God has blessed me in a thriving environment as I continue to worship Him in the good and bad times.”. Today is just a tough day.
I woke up mad that Landen was gone. I felt awful because I thought that I was beyond that. I am not at mad at God…just mad Landen is gone. At the thought it feels like a knife stabbing my heart and my eyes are so stinking drippy.
I got up…spent some time with God…made a big breakfast…cleaned and as I was cleaning my office I found many momentous treasures. Things from friends, notes from loved ones and many little random items Landen had given me. One thing in particular I ran into was my little Kimi figurine from Japan. Landen had the Kim figurine.
Kim and Kimi are little red headed fairies from Japan who are believed to live in a specific tree. I can’t remember what the trees are called but they are smaller trees with wide trunks and have multiple branches going every which way! The fairies exist so that no child ever has to play alone. If a child feels alone all they have to do is call out for Kim or Kimi to come play and these little red headed fairies will plop out of the trees to play. Itsuko told us this story and laughed because she said Landen and I could be Kim and Kimi. (Kim is the boy and Kimi is the girl). We bought these little figurines to tie on to our cell phones but I ended up taking mine off to preserve it from the rough beating my cell phone seems to endure. I wonder what ended up with Landen’s “Kim”?
At Rumukub Village in Okinawa we took a picture hanging from the branches of a “ and Kimi tree”. Of course that was before we had digital cameras so sadly I have not a picture to post…only the lovely thought.
My prayer used to be, “Lord make me genuine and authentic”. I guess all of this has been shaping me to answer that prayer. In order for something to be genuine and authentic it must be tested and tried. I MUST endure! There is no option. I just miss Landen…but someday…SOMEDAY…we’ll get to spend eternity running and jumping, hanging from the trees in heaven.
I wonder what Landen is doing in Heaven today? Do you ever wonder that about your loved ones? It would be fun to know…maybe. Enough thoughts for now…

Panera Hazlenut Cofffee = Sleepless Nights

2010-03-16T08:44:00.000-07:00

It is 2:41 in the morning and I am WIDE awake!
…Why?...
…Because of endless cups of Hazelnut coffee at Panera this evening. I can not sleep and a thick fog of endless thoughts now looms about me. I remember this happening a time before. I was in college and I had been studying at Panera drinking one cup after another of delicious Hazlenut coffee. I watched every hour pass throughout the night and the next day I still surged with energy. I can only hope to be so fortunate once again tomorrow. Many times I studied accompanied by coffee late into the night and my sleep was rarely hindered;however Panera Hazlenut coffee seems to affect my sleep. Although I enjoy coffee ‘very muchly’ it always seems to take quite a while for me to accomplish a cup from Starbucks and the like. I usually conserve about 1/3 to ½ of a cup for later. Panera is about the only place I could seriously sit down and drink cup after cup of warm, delicious coffee.
Many times I would be walking holding a cup of coffee to my 7:25a.m. class of the semester ( for I had not one semester without an early class) and run into Landen. One day Landen shook his head and said, “How in the world do you find time to race to Starbucks before an early morning class?” When I expressed how I had warmed it from the night before Landen was thoroughly disgusted.
I don’t know if I shall watch every hour pass tonight or if I may get a couple of hours of rest. Rest would be good. I was laying here thinking only moments ago about another time I was sleepless. That particular time I rose to the bathroom to make a change about myself. I chose to cut my hair. That night I eliminated about 5 to 6 inches of my red hair. I had started out with the thought of putting some layers into my hair…then side bangs…then chop-snip-chop-snip…I had a full-blown haircut! Alarmed at my own randomness I phoned my brother immediately even though it was 3 in the morning.
“I just would like to tell you that I am not crying but I am quite alarmed with myself.”
“What did you do?”
“I cut my hair. 5 to 6 inches. Layers…side bangs… and everything!”
“Right now? It’s 3 in the morning!!! Larissa this is why you should not make decisions at late into the night! Well…how does it look?”That night I discovered that I had a surprise gifting of cutting hair because it looked pretty good and was completely even. The next day I even received many compliments. I only told a select few that I was the one who randomly cut my own hair in the middle of the night.
Landen and I loved to stay up late together. The summer we both worked at Celebration City we didn’t get home until 11:30 or midnight so we were terribly hungry and awake. We would make stuff to eat and watch some Feature Family Film movie or talk. I am so glad for that summer. That was also the summer that Landen and Joyanna started talking…so I had to share Landen for part of the night. As the summer progressed the phone conversations grew longer and I lost more time with Landen but he was happy. The most memorable of phone conversations was the night Joyanna was house-sitting for some people and the dogs got loose and she spent hours trying to get them back all the while being on the phone with my brother. While he talked I would shower or play the piano (which I am positive my sleeping parents thoroughly enjoyed).
Wow…that all seems a lifetime ago! An entirely happy lifetime ago. God has been turning mourning into dancing and sorrow into joy. I will ALWAYS miss Landen and ALWAYS wish he could just be here for EVERYTHING but God has been so good in the midst of sadness. I am happy. God has blessed me with a great job and excellent friends - new and old… I have my mom and dad who love me so very much, a wonderful extended family and a lovely sister-in-law…An incredible church and so much more…it’s just a different chapter in life or sometimes it feels like a whole other book! There is so much I would love to get Landen’s “take” on or that I want to tell him but somehow this crazy little blog helps with that. I could use a “Landen hug” right now. A “Landen hug” was firm and made me feel like everything was alright. It is alright…just miss him…that’s all.
I am afraid I am going to have to just MAKE myself close my eyes… I have chatted about everything from coffee to haircuts to phone conversations and sentiments… It is now 3:27 and I can not allow myself to loom in this fog any longer. I am now starving and I may just have to pull out the Buttercream Gang (a Feature Family Film if you are not familiar with such a movie title) to land myself in dream land.

"Perm"

2010-03-09T15:42:00.000-08:00

So...Justin and I were riding to church this evening and I was talking to her about the sign in between Ford's Colony that reads,
"Please do not play on the hill (berm)".
Justin said that she had thought "berm" was spelled b-u-r-m...
but no...
definitely b-e-r-m.
"Oh, like 'perm'?" she asked.
I laughed because I recalled "perm" being a word that Landen very much enjoyed hearing me say. I still have no idea why...he just enjoyed hearing me say "perm" and would try to trick me into saying it. When I would forget and speak out the word he would laugh and laugh and say, "Say it again. What do ladies put in their hair to make it curly?"
"A perm."
He also loved going to candle stores and opening the lids to candles, then smelling them and passing them multiple times under your nose to see how many times he could get you to smell without you noticing. My Aunt Debbie was the greatest smelling glutton!

March 1st

2010-03-01T16:19:00.000-08:00

This weekend I journeyed to Charlotte to celebrate my little cousin’s birthday. On the way there my mind was filled with memories…of course! I remembered this one Fall Break Landen and I went to Manhattan, KS to visit our cousins Lyndsi and Grant. It was his Freshman and my Junior year. We had such great conversation during our traveling time. We stopped in Topeka and shopped a bit. I remember he bought a pair of dress shoes. I can’t remember why? I bought Strawberry Shortcake pajama bottoms. I am so thankful for these times to look back on and feel that warm ooey gooey brownie feeling inside.
Today is Landen’s day of birth. I remember the day he was born…I believe I shared that story in the first post…
Happy Birthday, Landen.
You know out of the millions of celebrations given to me over the years I can only remember a handful of celebrations for my brother. I actually pulled off a surprise party for him when we were in college but very few memories of Landen celebrations.
March was always an interesting time to have a birthday. He never cared if we made a big deal out of his birthday or not. A lot of times my parents resorted to the Chuckie Cheese Birthday parties with a couple of friends. A few years it snowed on his birthday so we had sledding parties and they were fun.
There is one birthday in particular that I remember. I was in 5th Grade and had become a finalist in a spelling bee with an invitational to State. I was so excited and so proud until I discovered the Spelling Bee was on March 1st. I decided not to tell my parents, yet somehow they found out that I had been hiding my accomplishment. They asked me why I hadn’t told them. I told them that I didn’t want my brother to have to spend his birthday at a stupid spelling bee. Landen found out and was insistent that I attend. March 1st came around. We went and I did not win. Landen put his little 2nd Grade arm around my shoulders and told me that he thought he had the smartest sister out of all the others. (I have a picture somewhere...I'll have to locate it.) We then went out to celebrate Landen’s birthday.
This was Landen…selfless and absolutely incredible!He would be 25 today.
It seems absolutely impossible that he is not here but he is not.
I loved him.

In A World of Black and White

2010-02-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

Today I am wearing BLACK and WHITE. That used to be all that I wore. All that I liked. All that I saw. I thought it was classic...which it is but Landen felt that I needed to embrace COLOR. So if anyone has any complaints of what a COLORFUL person I have become that would have to be blamed on Landen.
I remember shopping with my brother and him saying, "What about those red shoes?"
"Landen, RED does not go with everything and it stands out too much!"
"That's the point, "S"! ...and red goes with more than you think."
So I would try the red shoes and surprisingly enough I found more than one outfit to tango with the shoes.
I had a black sweater which I enjoyed wearing with everything and he encouraged me to give it up for blue.
Landen would get me the most ridiculous looking jewelry and accessories as gifts but when tried on it was difficult to go back to my plain and sensible BLACK and WHITE world.
Not long ago a friend asked me where I got all of my ridiculous jewelry and if I wore it because I actually liked it. I laughed and asked, "Why? Don't YOU like it?"
"Well, it's just I have never seen the stuff you wear anywhere else?"
Again, I laughed and told him about my brother who helped me to embrace COLOR...and that all of this stuff is all round...you just have to see it!
The other day I was telling Mary Lou the story of me painting my blue wall in my apartment...another story....and she said she would think that it would have to be that way. She couldn't imagine Larissa to be somewhere where there was not COLOR. I suppose that is the true thought that triggered this little jaunt...
Well there you go...
Landen taught me to be wise but fun. One does not always have to be sensible...just not completely foolish!
He taught me to live my life with a splash of COLOR embracing everyday with the creative prayer of "Lord, what can you make of today?". Life is so much more enjoyable with COLOR!

You Hold Me Now

2010-02-25T15:18:00.000-08:00

So this morning I journeyed to Raleigh for a meeting. It was an odd morning because I had some more dreams about Landen. The dreams are kind of ridiculous. They have to do with me trying to tell him something but I never get to because I am hiding him or I can't catch him. Apparently I have much to tell him...
Anyway, the drive reminded me too much of the drive I took that October morning to the airport. I felt sick to my stomach but numb. I prayed and God filled my mind with peace and this little song poured through the speakers of my little Tracker. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qx2-Inc8TkA
At the meeting I discovered one of our children's pastors from North Carolina lost his wife this morning to some condition of the heart. My heart immediately pained for him. He is in my deepest thoughts and prayers.
I am so thankful God Holds Me anytime at any place.
He's just the glue that holds all of the intricate pieces of this girl together!!!
There are so many people going through so much today...I've talked with 3 people just this morning...Situations of life are never always fully understood but God holds all things together and someday it will all make sense. That is when our faith becomes sight. We may just have to wait for heaven for it all to make sense but in the meantime our minds can be in perfect peace when they are stayed on Him.

I Found a Card...

2010-02-23T08:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was going through some old boxes and came across some of my college graduation cards. My favorite of course was this winner from my brother. If there was ever any question in my mind that my brother was the BEST brother in the world ...IF being the key word...that question was cancelled.
The card read:
FRONT:
Sister, Just by being your unique and wonderful self, you show the world what you can achieve...
INSIDE:
I couldn't be more proud of you.
Happy Graduation with Love
HE WROTE:
Larissa,
This card is exactly what I wanted to say! I don't know if you know just how much that I look up to you and always have, but it is alot! You are so amazing and I know God is going to use you more than you know. I am so thankful for the time we've had at CBC, but even more so as siblings growing up. I pray that we always remain close no matter the miles or anything else in between us. For now, though, I want to say Congratulations for all of your accomplishments. Don't be afraid to take risks for God or let him take you past your "incapabilities". I am so proud to call you my sister and to see you graduate on into full-time ministry. What a fulfilling life. I know you will touch many lives and I know that God is smiling proud as can be upon your life today! I love you!
Landen

And I loved him soooo much...
Goodness...I was so proud of him...always. I hope he knew how much. I wish I could tell him again. I guess that is why I love posting on this little blog...because I want everyone to know how amazing Landen really was.
He pushed me to go beyond what I thought I could do and fall on Jesus and get back up with His strength!
March 1st is his birthday. It's funny how the heart knows that before your mind registers. Cloudy weather does not seem to help either but all is well and I will see him again soon. Until then...
I will live life to the fullest!

I am a PROMISE!

2010-02-15T07:57:00.001-08:00

So... this weekend I went SNOWBOARDING for the very first time! I had never been skiing or anything of the sort...but absoluteIy loved it and want to go again! I took ALOT of falls but God gave me strength to keep getting up. Landen would have been so proud of me! He was always encouraging me to try something new and different. At the end of the day just before I returned my things I decided to try the slope ONE MORE TIME...I went down the entire slope ( a smaller slope but a slope nevertheless) without falling once and got off of the ski lift without even faltering!!! I was so thrilled!

All of that to say...yesterday I was extremely tired but I must have been too tired because my mind felt like some sort of a chase scene from Bourne Identity. There were literally so many thoughts filtering through my mind I could not stop talking!!! My friend Justin endured story after story after story after story yesterday...thanks Justin.

Anyway one of the stories made me smile...it was about Landen and his PROMISE song. I had the privilege of attending college with two of my cousins and brother (my junior and senior years). We loved eating lunch together...except Tuesday's which were fasting days for students...just like Wednesday's were pizza days in Zee's!
Anyway this is usually when we had the chance to hang out because our schedules were so entirely ridiculous... between work, school, and church we were booked. So our regiment following daily chapel services was to check mail, then stand in line at Zee's to get lunch, eat lunch then hurry to afternoon classes. Most of the time we spent more time in line then eating but we enjoyed catching up with each other while waiting in the eternal line. We talked about classes and schedules and relationships and what God was doing. If anyone was feeling too down or discouraged (not just in our little family but all around) Landen would put his arm around them and begin to sing...his favorite song which came from one of the cassette tapes we used to listen to at bedtime when we were children. The cassette was "KING OF MY HEART" and the song was "I AM A PROMISE" ...but he switched around the words to sing:

YOU are a PROMISE

YOU are a POSSIBILITY

YOU are a PROMISE with a capital "P"

YOU are a great big bundle of POTENTIALITY

and if you listen, you can hear God's voice and keep on trying to make the right choice

YOU are a PROMISE to be ANYTHING God wants ...

YOU are a PROMISE to be ANYTHING God wants YOU to be!!!

There were many times we sang together and others that I just sat back and watched as my brother ministered out the fullness of his life in Christ. Real JOY! And that part is still alive...because it is God's joy of promise within our lives. It carries through every uncertain moment. It helps us to get up every time we fall. It is God's design for us to share that JOY with others and our responsibility to embrace that gift of JOY which comes from God! It brings purpose and meaning to every life!

I actually found some versions on youtube if you want to check out the cheery little tune! Come to find out Veggie Tales even did a spunky rendition...who would know!?! I am sure that it will make your day as God used Landen to make so many days with this "promising" song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEsb6UgWNYE&feature=related

Remember: YOU are a PROMISE!

Too Many Funerals

2010-02-10T12:39:00.000-08:00

There have been too many funerals as of recent.
They make me think.
Maybe too much...but it is good too. My heart hurts for the loved ones.
I can't help but regret not standing up to say something when Landen died. To be honest I thought I would just burst into tears and for about 2 weeks after Landen died my memory went completely blank. This scared me deeply. I never want to forget the incredible brother I had. He isn't one that just comes a dime a dozen...
so I have decided to work on a eulogy for my beloved brother.

Valentine's Day

2010-02-10T12:18:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knew Landen personally knows that he had an AMAZING gift of making anyone feel of extreme value. I know many felt this from him.

There was a lady in Albany named Thomasina who told my mom that the thing that impressed her most about my brother was that he loved her without caring what she had been before she met the Lord. He showed no partiality and saw everyone with purpose and value.

Landen was always proud of me ...even when I felt there was nothing to be proud of. Sometimes I was so embarrassed to meet new people who he had talked to about me before I met them because I felt that there was no way to measure up to the way he spoke about me.

Valentine's Day was an extra special day for our family. My mother taught us that it is not just a holiday for "lovers" but for EVERYONE to express their love and appreciation toward one another. As many across our nation we bought small gifts and designed cards ...anything we could think of to make others feel special.

As we grew older Landen would have dates for Valentines Day but he would always squeeze me in. I remember one year in college Landen took out his girlfriend, then took our cousin Jocelyn for ice cream and me out after work just so that we were all cared for and felt special on VALENTINE'S DAY! He thought it most important.

Landen got married.

Landen loved and adored his wife.

...so much so that I had a dream about how much he loved her last night.

Even then...the last Valentine's Day Landen was alive he sent to me a package. Inside was a card (I loved Landen's cards!), a take-along- coffee mug with hearts on it and a Starbucks giftcard.

Wasn't he just the best brother?

He did even more beautiful things for his wife.

I guess that is why it hurts so much that he is away.

I love you, Landen...even though you are far away!

In a mug...

2010-01-21T08:18:00.000-08:00

HEYSHUGG

2010-01-07T07:12:00.000-08:00

This morning on my way to the church office I travelled behind a car whose license plate read "HEYSHUGG". Landen went through this phase where he enjoyed calling me "SHUGG" but I absolutely hated it which only caused him to call me by that name all the more. Mom tired of hearing us go back and forth so she insisted that Landen not call me "SHUGG" anymore. He didn't. He spelled it, but he spelled it S-U-G-A-R. The entire spelling got to be too lengthy so he shortened it first to S-U-G then just to "S" which my cousins Stephen and Shane also adopted for me. Once Shane had a friend visiting form Korea and we were playing frisbee in the park and Shane continually referred to me as "S". Of course, that is his name for me. Later, when the two guys were alone Shane's friend said, "Shane, I just have one question. Why do you call your cousin 'ASS'?" Shane laughed then explained the entire story!
For one of my birthday's Landen got me a mug with a music note handle and read"Sugar Sugar".
A few weeks ago Shane recieved a pin with an "S" on it because he was one of the top sharpshooters in his navy "whatever"...anyway he has to wear it on his heart and he said it makes him think of me. Isn't that dear?

Finally Posting Entries from Christmas Travels

2010-01-07T07:03:00.000-08:00

I am flying home for Christmas. It has been quite a while since I have had a free moment to jot down a few memories but of course the season has me flooded with memories.
I am running on 2 hours of in-and-out sleep…and sitting by a lady with 2 daughters from Jersey Shores. The couples behind me look as though they have been married for 50 plus years and have talked loudly about everything from politics to the changes of Delta airlines. Before we left Detroit they called someone and the man told the lady everything to tell the other person on the other end of the phone while the lady was telling the previous things he told her to say. All in all they make me smile!
The lady from Jersey Shores is a stressed out case and greeted me by throwing a pile of coats into the seat next to me. She situated her two little girls in the seats across the aisle then plopped down in the seat where the coats had been just in time for the flight attendant to impatiently whiz by and demand people take their seats. The flight attendant nearly tripped over one of the lady's coats which now lay on the floor. I think this woman is deserving of a restful trip so I shall try to allow her that…however she has been chatting with me off and on since I started writing!
So this reminds me of exciting traveling adventures with my brother. A few years ago, our dear friend Itsuko Tiarra blessed us with a trip to visit her in Okinawa, Japan. There are sooooo many stories from that traveling adventure. It took like 16-18 hours to get there (I honestly can not remember). I just remember after 8 hours I thought we were almost there so I went back to the bathroom to freshen up. When I returned Landen asked me what in the world I had been doing. I told him I wanted to freshen up before we landed and he laughed. He said that we had a good 7 hours left in our journey! I argued with him because it did not appear to be that far on the little map showing on the screen in front of us but sure enough Landen was right!
One of my times back to the bathroom I met this guy. He was a marine or something…I honestly do not remember…but this interaction I do remember because it was so random.
There was a line so of course we started to talk then he said… “You are so beautiful…Do you know that?”…I just laughed…then he began to sing and dance out some song about me being beautiful… I had nothing to say but “well, thank you”…then I sat down rather taken back and asked Landen if he had heard what had just happened….but he cut me off and said “Just sit down.”. He seemed rather annoyed by the situation which made it even funnier to me…Great memories with my brother.

Today we traveled back to Oklahoma from Missouri in an ice storm. The roads were ridiculously slick. My first Christmas in Minnesota Landen traveled back with me after our celebrations to celebrate the New Year then travel back to Missouri with our cousins Stephen and Andrea. This was the only time Landen was able to visit me in Minnesota.

On the way home we stopped for lunch in Omaha with Aunt Sharon, Ronda and Abby then we journeyed on only to get caught in one of the worst blizzards I have ever driven through. It took us 3 hours to get from Sioux Falls, South Dakota to Watertown South Dakota! We went 15 mph for quite a while and were about the only ones on I29. Landen begged for me to let him take over driving because I was so stressed but my pride and independence would not allow me to let my younger brother take over.
Once we miraculously made it to Watertown we exited and looked for a place to stay. We ended up at a cabin lodge and spent the night waiting for the roads to open the next morning so I could get back to work. While I was home I saw a post card laying out on my dad’s stand was a post card I sent from the cabin lodge at which we stayed! In the postcard I had thanked my dad for such a wonderful holiday and told him about our traveling adventure in the blizzard. I know this for sure…I never want to be stuck in something like that again but I couldnt think of anyone else to share such an adventure with!

Abby Lee this Christmas (2009)

I got a guitar for Christmas! Landen ALWAYS suggested that would be the instrument for me because I could take it anywhere. Ever since he died I have had the desire to start to play …I guess because of his suggestion…I’m going to give it my best.

Working Out

2009-11-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

Well, I am soon off to the gym...haha...I remember when I was 12 and Landen was 10 we went through quite a little chubby stage...we have pictures but too gross to post! I remember this one Chirstmas we returned from Christmas and my mother was horrified that we were the fattest family of the families present to celebrate. To solve this situation my mother gave us all a strict, healthy diet and forced my brother and I to play outside full afternoons after school. We had to awake at 6:00 for early morning walks or exercise routines. All in all they were healthy habits to establish...I remember us complaining about working out but as soon as we began to shape up we were thankful. We never had great bodies but thank God we were never fully fat again! ...trying to make it stay that way.

Worshipping You

2009-11-18T14:52:00.000-08:00

Last night I visited a church service and the pastor reminded me of Landen...so much...his appearance, presence, and heart...Amazing that another person could be so much like another. Watching this pastor last night made me realize that was what I miss more than anything about Landen...I miss watching him live his life fully as worship to God. He never did things half-heartedly. It was all or nothing!
Mom and Dad taught us this because if we did ANY job half way we had to go back and complete the job. How I remember cleanup projects that we thought we did good enough...but it was just half way and we were instructed to clean thoroughly! We had a job of picking up the dog poop in the backyard. Many times I remember trying to hidse the poop witht he small shovel under the gravel and my parents would discover the job half done and instruct us to comple the job because "A job half-done is a job undone".
I loved to be in worship services with my brother...He never cared what people thought of him...He was worshipping his God. Last night we sang this one song over and over again called "Worshipping You" and it seemed like a song he would have liked.
Landen could play pretty much any instrument you put before him...not professionally but well and he definitely didn't think that he could play that well but he could usually... I remember many nights of me at the keyboard and him at the guitar or drums playing and singing our hearts out before our Saviour. Just think we'll get to do that for an eternity!!! ...and we'll see our Savior together face to face!

Christmastime

2009-11-14T11:54:00.000-08:00

It has been rainy and grey outside for so long...it always makes me feel so reflective...Lately I have been such a "joy" to be a round because I remind myself of my Grandma Mockry. I get to talking about memories and keep going on and on. I see others are yanking to get away but stay to be polite and I don't notice until I've gone on too long...This is the purpose of the Blog...not to drag people but to get it out because it conjures warmth of the soul and keeps my brother alive in my heart.
I set up my tree last night. I made sure there were plenty of lights. Christmas decorating was Landen's favorite. I have plenty of stories! ...since I am not talking to anyone I am going to take the time to type them out!
My mother has always been good at embracing each moment and making it memorable. She made especially the holidays special. Landen carried that on...
Dad usually put together our tree (fake as it was...beautiful) then the lights which he usually became so frustrated with that mom ended up finishing. Dad would then find himself in the blue recliner fast asleep while the rest of us placed ornaments on the tree and talked about years gone by. We have an ornament from every year. Some of the ornaments contain pictures...some are adorable others are hideous! I have this one ornament in the shape of a star with my 4th grade picture...that one would be hideous! Landen and my mom would ALWAYS make sure it was placed on the tree. If I removed it and tried to hide it, one or the other would discover so and demand it to be replaced.
Every year mom did something different with the tree and this always kept Landen in suspense. She's added sprigs, random garland, lights and treetoppers. I remember one year we had 3 different sets of lights on the tree! I thought it was a little ridiculous and extravagant but Landen adored it!
My first year home for Christmas from college Landen in the midst of pneumonia outlined the entire house in Christmas lights. He just thought I needed Christmas! Last year, my friend Sue Sue gave me some money to get something to remind me of Landen and I bought lights for outside. How splendid to walk home and be welcomed by warm Christmas lights!
Last night after I was through decorating some more friends came over for hot drinks and Christmas shows. We were talking about Thanksgiving and I don't remember how it was brought up but one my friends reminded me that last year Ladnen had planned to bring me up there for Thanksgiving. The weekend he left we were confirming dates. That never happened...and I wish so much it would have...and in some ways I wished I had never remembered that could have happened. I loved spending time with Landen...especially the holidays. I am not to say every holiday will never be because he is gone...but it definitely is not even close to the same. He would be very upset if I stopped making memoires because he was gone. Even today I was thinking back to last Christmas when I went to Tulsa and much of our family joined us so that we could be together. I was snowed in Chicago and almost missed Christmas...the airlines lost my bags so I didn't get my gifts until after we had all unwrapped presents. When I finally recieved my bags ..not having time to wrap my gifts...I placed my gifts inside a large bag and played Santa Clause. It was different but Landen would have loved it! He would have also loved that my little cousin Sarah made notes for everyone so she had something for everyone too...and she became Santa's little helper.
There are so many other memories. My heart rages with them at times. I miss Landen so much. What makes me hurt worse is to hear people complain about their family or not want to spend time with them. People who take advantage of gifts from our Father. If they only knew...
What in the world I would do without my loving Saviour, this I do not know...but He is my rock...my strength and my song...He has become my salvation...He gives me hope each day.

Christmas Tree Cakes

2009-11-11T14:58:00.000-08:00

This season is my absolute favorite! I always knew we were close to Christmas because Zee's (the eating place at CBC -Central Bible College) would get CHRISTMAS TREE CAKES! My brother and great friend Kimberly and I would argue back and forth about how CHRISTMAS TREE CAKES were the absolute best of the Little Debbie
cakes. Landen insisted they were no different than any of the other cakes...especially the Zebra Cakes. He said they were just in a different shape. Kimberly and I took the position that were different than Zebra Cakes...they were in a different shape but they included sprinkles and a different kind of frosting...they were just better and made the season absolutely GLORIOUS!

For Christmas Landen bought Zebra Cakes, a Christmas Tree cookie cutter and Red Sprinkles and packaged them together and gave them to us, "Here, now you girls can have your Christmas Tree Cakes!"

We always laughed about that and teasingly argued about the Christmas Tree Cakes vs. Zebra Cakes.

This picture was taken during my visit to Albany a couple of December's ago. It was blizzarding so I couldn't make my flight in Boston to fly home so Landen and I walked to the church for the Internet to look for a ticket to purchase for the next morning out of Albany. I wish I would have just taken the hint that God must have wanted me to stay with Landen longer. I could have called into work and said I was no going to make it in because of the weather. He had the whole next day off and it was bad weather in Minneapolis as well...O well...what has been done is done...but that and not making it home for our last Christmas together are my only regrets. Anyway...on our way back we stopped at a grocery store to pick up some snacks! My brother loved snacks!!! Amidst the cheese, crackers, sausage, pickles, coca cola/dr.pepper, and sugar cookies were CHRISTMAS TREE CAKES!

2009-11-11T11:01:00.000-08:00

The Last Cup 11.11.09
This morning I awoke and began making breakfast as usual…cracked some eggs, mixed in some milk and began to fry up some French Toast and Scrambled eggs with a side of coffee. I reached for my bag of coffee beans to grind but it was lighter than it had been…actually much lighter…probably only enough beans for one last pot of coffee. I couldn’t bring myself to use them so I brewed some older peppermint coffee -with which I was not greatly impressed.
The coffee I usually use on mornings as these is coffee Landen sent to me! Landen worked at Starbucks for the last year of his life and would send me a bag of coffee every now and then. I loved it first of all because it was from Landen…but it was coffee and it was mail! There could be no better combination!!! It’s funny how little things like this make you think of memories or people. It is rather a precious concoction so that is why those special beans are preserved for a special moment in time. I miss my coffee buddy and dear, dear friend who was my brother. God truly graced me with the very best!
Candles in the Playhouse 11.10.09
I am sitting here at my table watching a small flame dance around in a candle jar and it makes me think of me and Landen’s ridiculous fascination with burning candles in the playhouse my dad built for me so long ago. A small memory, but fun. We would talk around the candle in the playhouse or run our fingers through and see who could go through the flame the most times without being burned or we would dip the tips of our fingers in the wax and make wax fingers. None of this could be done in the house of course and heaven knows if we were supposed to be doing this in the playhouse, but we did. We bought all of our candles and matches from the dollar store with our allowance! What a thing to spend our allowance on, huh? Hahaha…we would ride our bikes a little over a mile to the Dollar General on Stone Street then purchase our matches and candles and venture back for some exciting times! Our cousins, Stephen and Shane joined us several times as well.
The Man Pill
I called my parents today because I was a little too sad. I was missing Landen. Dad was making pancakes while talking on the phone. I imagined him rampaging the kitchen as he hurriedly flipped pancakes as he does …then I heard him swallow something. I asked what he was doing…He began to answer…then he laughed for a second… “O I was just taking a man’s pill….Remember that, Riss?”. O, did I? Landen never let me forget it!
One morning when I was 12 or 13 we were finishing breakfast and I took what I thought to be my vitamins setting on the counter. Mom yelled in from the other room, “Leonard, your vitamins are on the counter.” I froze…then I rushed over to the sink and began to try to cough up the vitamins I had just taken. Landen asked, “What in the world are you doing?”
I looked at him in horror. “I took a man’s pill!”
Landen was quiet for a just a moment then he burst into laughter. My mom came into the room and asked what was going on. Landen sarcastically explained, “Oh, Larissa thinks she took a ‘man’s pill’.”
“Well, I did!” I was nearly in tears at this point but my mom started laughing.
I on the other hand was horrified and could not believe no one was taking me seriousily. “What is so funny? This is serious!”
Mom stopped laughing long enough to say, “It is a vitamin, honey not a pill. It just contains special vitamins for men.”
“I know! That is what I am worried about!”
“One vitamin will not hurt you…several will not hurt you…they just contain certain amounts of vitamins which men need. … It’s not like you grow anything different.”
Later, Landen asked me what I thought was going to happen…I never answered but now that he is gone and can tease me no longer I will admit I truly thought I may turn into a man of some sort because of that ‘man’s pill’. Thank God it was no such thing!!!

Dorthy 10.31.09
I never used to like to dress up in costume. It is still a stretch but I think the kids enjoy it. My cousin, Sarah loves for me to play dress up with her. I love to because she loves it so much. Anyway, I decided to dress as Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz for the Fall Family Festival. I put together the entire outfit complete with the red ruby slippers purchased at Target!
Landen loved Dorthy. Mostly he loved her for her ruby slippers. He noticed everyone’s shoes but especially if they were red high heels. He would always describe people by their shoes…you know the lady with the gold shoes that made a sharp point…or the man with the black cowboy boots….he always noticed the shoes! He would have loved knowing I dressed as Dorthy!

My Happy Pants 10.19.09
I have this favorite pair of pants which now bear many holes. I have tried to decide if they are my favorite because they fit just right or because they look stylish or because they receive interesting little comments every now and then? I had not quite discovered exactly why until one day off while out to the library in my favorite pair of pants. A little girl from church saw me and said, “Miss Larissa! You have holes in your pants! Why do you have so many holes in your pants?”
I laughed and said, “It is because they are my favorite pants and it is my day off! I guess that would make them my ‘happy pants’!”
“Oh.” She thought for a moment then asked, “Why do those holey pants make you happy?”.
I then took a moment to think and slowly began to answer, “Well, they are comfortable pants and make me feel warm inside…” as I began to talk I began to remember… “They make me think of happy memories. The day I bought these pants my brother and I were out of school (college) for the entire day and neither one of us had to work…which was very rare…so we decided to spend the day together! We went shopping, out to eat, studied at Krispy Kreme and ended the day at the movies to see the Phantom of the Opera. While shopping, I found these pants. Landen encouraged me to purchase them, so I did…I guess that is why they are my ‘happy pants’. They make me remember a very special day with my brother.”
The little girl had intently listened and assured me she understood. Then another day which was not my day off she saw me wearing some holey pants… “Miss Larissa! Why are you wearing your ‘happy pants’? It’s not your day off?”
I thought Landen would have loved this story.

October Glory

2009-10-22T12:59:00.001-07:00

The tree (October Glory) which was planted in remembrance of Landen.

Colton, Rod, Lavon, Joyanna and my Mom and Dad in Albany, NY for the Memorial Service.

The city of Albany, NY!

I have a post card of the skyline Landen sent to me when he did his internship there a few years ago. I posted it on my office wall to remember to pray for the city which my brother loved so dearly. Last week a Master's Commission student asked me, "Of all of the city skylines, whydo you have Albany, NY featured?" I told him that my brother and sister in law had been inner city pastors there.

He asked me how long ago it had been

...I said about a year because my brother died a year ago...

He siad, "of a heart attack?"

They had been praying for all of us because his uncle is a pastor outside of Albany and notified his family to pray.

People we didn't even know!

God is amazing!!!

Without Landen

2009-10-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

I wanted to blog on the first anniversary of my brother going to be with Jesus but I was blessed by a visit with my parents and did not have the opportunity to blog. I am thankful for the time God allowed!

My schedule has been quite overwelming, but memories flood each action and motion. Everything I do reminds me of another time and place...yet the Lord is my strength and my strong; He has become my salvation and He reminds me of His faithfullness as well.

This last year has been so difficult for so many.

I find comfort in warm places, such as beaches and coffee shoppes but the best and fullest place is in the presence of God. He never disappoints my spirit. He is greater than the best warm cup of coffee or the most beautiful sunny day along the beach. I am thankful. God has also given me the best people to get through this time and I am love them all the more.

The other day I was flooded with a multitude of memories. Many memories simple as the trees changing colors and remembering how we always enjoyed the first yard raking...the several others to follow were not our favorite...but we loved the leaves. When we were like 8 and 10 we lived across the street from this tree which changed multiple colors throughout the Autumn. Many times it started out RED, then turned ORANGE, and YELLOW then turn BROWN and fall. We would take blankets and eat, read or talk under its umbrella of color. We would dream about opening our Travel Agency or put together dramas and plays for church or just for fun. I could always dream big with Landen. We concocted some of the most far out ideas together! Landen carried many of them out because he was not afraid of failing. He always took whatever God gave him and put it to use. God recieved and it and blessed Landen with more in return.

This past week New Hope Church in Albany, NY planted a tree in his remembrance. Pastor Keith said it was to remember that God sent Landen as an example of Christ and Landen was a man who was like a tree planted by streams of water. When I saw the tree (October Glory) it reminded me of the tree of our childhood. Absolutely beautiful! I hope to see it in person someday soon!

Yes, I miss Landen.

Yes, I am sad he is gone.

But yes I am glad to hope to see him again soon!

The Greatest Part of Siblings

2009-10-11T16:26:00.000-07:00

You know what the great part of having a sibling is? It is someone who has gone through everything you have and has the many of the same experiences and stories as you do. Their sense of humor tend to be the same and no one else seems to get you. I miss that.
You know what is really great about siblings grown up together? They get to hold each other's children and talk about the things that happened when they were kids. You talk about family and who the kid looks more like. I guess that won't be happening?
Who would have ever thought this would happen?

This Morning...

2009-09-30T10:32:00.000-07:00

There are some days that I awake and I just feel mad. I hate it but I do. Usually it is after I have a dream about Landen, but it always ends the same…he’s dead. Well, this morning was one of those mornings. I awoke hugging my little bear Landen gave to me even though I really do not care for stuffed animals…he got it for my 21st Birthday. When you pinch the paw it says “Larissa, you are the best sister anyone could ask for and my best friend. I hope you have a happy birthday and I hope you know I will always be there for you.”…maybe it was that last line that got me…he didn’t know that he wasn’t going to be here for me but it felt like it was a lie…it wasn’t…but it sure felt like it was. He would be here if he could. I know better than to go into full questioning why he had to go or what in the world happened…I really do have hope in Christ…my emotions are just upset. Needlesstosay…I feel mad and that alone makes me even more angry. Why does this always seem to happen when I have a lot to do or I don’t have time to deal or process? I miss him so much and I certainly do not know what to do about it but talk to God because nothing can replace my brother.

"You've had SIX boyfriends!"

2009-09-28T16:19:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting in a random coffee shoppe…however I don’t know that it can fully be classified as such…it is as though a small North Carolina town tried create a coffee shoppe but could not quite grasp the concept of an authentic place to meet and drink the best warm beverage of all…I shouldn’t knock it too badly because there is mysteriously something about entering this establishment which makes me feel as though I am suddenly walking inside a movie…and the coffee is not half-bad, either... It is a very interesting place indeed!
Landen would be so proud of me for discovering such a place. He was always a fan of discovering “hole in the wall” places and was a pretty great critic at that. If you ever wanted to know where to go and where not to go you would ask Landen Reimer. He was like a Former’s travel book in and of himself and I delighted in being apart of many of his adventures.
This memory really has nothing to do with him being an adventurer or travel book or anything of the sort but I have been chuckling quietly to myself all morning about this memory and need to blog about it to share it the cyberspace world…
One night in college Landen and some friends and I went to study at Barnes and Noble. First of all we were disgusted because there were no more available tables in the café so we had to settle down to study at the incredibly awkward tiny tables in the Junior’s department… we had a lot to study…it was getting later by the second… if I remember correctly they even messed up one of our drinks…then no one could study because Landen had just gone out with this girl the night before who at the time he thought was the most incredible girl he had ever met but was not sure what his next move was to be… so after sharing all of his thoughts to a group of stressed friends who tried to listen in between reading thick books and memorizing terms and definitions, he began to seek counsel from our friend Roxanne Gibbert who was entirely in tune with what Landen was sharing. By this time in order to concentrate on the pressing subjects before us I had moved a few steps away into the Storytime area…two of our other friends were by the Curious George display and yet another friend moved away entirely from the group to the Beverly Cleary’s Romana series…Landen and Roxanne were still at the awkwardly tiny table in the Junior’s department of Barnes and Noble. My ears heard bits and pieces of their conversation as I tried focusing in on my terms and definitions for Child Growth and Development…I heard Roxanne talk about her diverse dating life and some experiences she had…she and Landen grew louder in conversation as he exclaimed a few things and disagreed with a few of her experiences…I was annoyed so I grabbed the little Captain Underpants doll sitting next to me and threw him as hard as I could at the two people sitting at the awkwardly tiny table in the back of the Junior’s department in Barnes and Noble. Out of nowhere a stern and fearsome bookseller appeared… I thought” great…I do almost nothing… then I do something and I get in trouble!”…so I began to apologize until I discovered she knew nothing about the Captain Underpants doll…she had come to confront Landen and Roxy about their adult conversations in the Junior’s department! I guess some overly concerned mother expressed her disapproval of their conversation and demanded the bookseller to take care of the situation... now it should be noted that Landen and Roaxanne definitely did not talk about sexual behavior or anything of the sort…only the basics of relationships and communication…They tried to convince the bookseller that they had talked nothing of the sort but she like King Agrippa was almost persuaded but not convinced. The best part of it was 2 of us were wearing CBC hoodies! What a glorious testimony!
Landen was mortified…Roxanne thought it was hilarious…I couldn’t believe it…and some of the others were just annoyed…we sat around and tried to figure out what the overly concerned mother could have picked up on that she did not want her little 8 year old to hear… the only thing we could figure out was at toward the beginning of the conversation Roxanne had mentioned she had had 6 serious boyfriends to this particular date…Landen unbelievably exclaimed, “You’ve had 6 boyfriends!”…but Landen always spoke with a little different accent so when said “six” often it sounded like “sex”…so the overly concerned mother must have heard, “You’ve had SEX with your boyfriends!”…when we finally concluded with this it was definitely time to go home because we could hold back laughter and embarrassment no longer. After my final apology to the booksellers on behalf of our behavior that evening we exited Barnes and Noble to confront all that life had for us.
I will never forget that humorous evening!

September 19th

2009-09-19T12:28:00.000-07:00

Well...Today is my birthday...and I wish Landen could be here...this is the first birthday he is not...but my sister-in-law sent me the nicest card and flowers and it was almost like him being here.

I have been surrounded by the most wonderful friends and family... and still my heart aches because I miss Landen...but it's ok and I am thankful for everyone. Everyone has been so patient and loving towards me. They have gone above and beyond to help me feel special and loved<3

Nothing was ever too big of a surprise when it came to gifts with Landen and I. We would always tell what each other was going to receive then act overly surprised as we dramatically opened gifts. It must have been quite the production!

I remember when I got my bike (age 12)...Landen told me my gift was locked in the basement and through a series of questions and answers I soon discovered I was getting a bike for my birthday...the only details I did not know was the color or the size! Haha...

One of my favorite birthday's was a surprise (#22)... First of all...we went to St.Louis on the weekend with a bunch of friends (Landen and Joyanna happened to be in the same car on this trip and "got to know one another")... Landen, Joyanna, Kim, Matt, Stephen, Andrea, Itsuko, Roxy, Kristen and I...My only request was I did not want to have to make any decisions so Landen directed our fun schedule throughout the day as we explored St. Louis. The Spaghetti Factory, the Arch, the Zoo and Union Station. We even played a game of Mafia in the park that evening in the middle of some festival! That Sunday night, I returned to the house and more of my friends were present....Landen had set up YET another surprise PIRATE party for my birthday! (September 19th is National Pirates Day...and I have always had a special interest in pirates)...the surprises that year were endless!

This year, I am surprised he is not here. I always thought he would be and I miss him so very much...but I am SO thankful that neither one of us forsook celebrating life because we imagined we would always be here. I do not regret celelbrating life.

So...celebrate life, everyday with the ones you hold dear and never take for granted each breath God gives you to breathe alongside the ones you love!

I am thankful for the dear ones in my life! Thank you for making this day special!

Wonder Woman

2009-09-17T07:02:00.000-07:00

This morning was one of those mornings I had to tell myself Landen was not here...I woke up excited from last night's Superhero Nite at church with the kids, picked up my phone to call my brother and tell him all about it...but ...I can't. Strangest thing when you forget that your brother is dead...kind of leaves you feeling strange for the entire day.
I knew he would seriously appreciate Superhero Nite. Landen quietly loved superheroes... As a little boy he had all kinds of little figurines that he would play with outside...one of which being a Wonder Woman figurine which we had received in a Happy Meal or something...I can not remember where we got them (because we definitely both had one in our mix of toys!). I remember playing in the sand or at the park with these little figurines ...(Wizard of Oz characters, a little man that looked like a pastor with moving arms and legs, Wonder Woman, and a few little GI Joe Men)... The figurines would find themselves being thrown down the slide, drowning in water, or buried in sand or leaves but Wonder Woman was always there to save the day! She was always heroic...I think it was the red boots!
Anyway, not long ago I was going through a difficult time in life...Landen was always quick with encouragement ...One day, I received a package in the mail...it was a little blue hand mirror with Wonder Woman on it! He had a special little card which accompanied that read something like: If you ever question how wonderful you are look this mirror and see the Wonderful Woman God created you to be!...we liked those kind of cheezy things:)
...all of that to say...he would have appreciated Superhero Nite!

Lunch break...

2009-09-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

Today is another NON-STOP day...It seems as though there have been alot of those recently...so I'm glad I brought my lunch. I actually bring my lunch quite abit but I used to always take my lunch to work. Back in highschool, when I worked at Wal-Mart Landen liked to pack my luch every once in a while. I could rarely eat all of the lunch he packed for me! He always thought eating was very important.

...this one time I remember specifically he packed a whole sandwhich, 4 thick slices of cheese, pickles, chips,a Little Debbie snack and pudding.

When we worked at Celebration City together we enjoyed packing our lunches together. Then, we would get home so late that we would eat like Ramen Noodles or something when we got home ( around midnight) and watch a Feature Family Films movie.

Back to work...

Monday...

2009-09-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

There are so many memories today....Maybe it is because it is Monday...or it is a wonderful Autumn day...or maybe it is just because I miss my best little friend in the world.

I have had a pretty productive day. I awoke to the sounds of emergency sirens zooming by and cool breezes filtering through my window...very much like the morning my Dad called to let me know that my brother was not breathing and I needed to pray. I didn't want to get up but I did and I am glad that I met this Monday.

I journeyed down the stairs to make some breakfast...I opened every window to let the sun shine in, filled my coffee pot and began to stir up some blueberry pancakes...while I cooked and cleaned abit I chatted with my mom and dad...then baked some banana bread and talked with Joyanna...while cleaning the windows I smiled as I remembered one day we were cleaning in preparation of some relatives coming and Landen and I were arguing about something...I told Landen I was so mad at him and probably pinched or slapped him...who knows...but I remember he took my Windex from me and sprayed my hair...I was soooo mad for like 10 seconds then we laughed ridiculously!

Today I enjoy being alone...the only person I never minded being around when I feel like this was Landen. We were like an interval...two little notes on a stem...playing in harmony through life...now I'm but a melody in the Reimer family song of life...there are other songs to be played throughout life and I am thankful for the ones God has placed upon the musical staff of those...He has made sure that I am never alone. I just miss my harmonic note!

I was thinking about Landen...what would we do with a day like today? We would embrace every moment...drinking coffees, playing outside, going on walks, shopping, playing music and singing outside, talking...every moment. That is what we would do with a day like today.

Still much to do with today so I must be on my way...

I am so thankful!

Stressful Moments...

2009-09-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

So, I am very stressed today...I have alot to accomplish...but I have a trusty cup of coffee and I have asked God to be with me and help me to accomplish and I know that He will help me. I remember many of these feelings during college.

I remember one time studying for finals with my cousin Stephen and Landen. We were incredibly stressed. I get overwelmed and feel a little panicky and have a difficult time concentrating... Stephen gets very serious and melancholy ... Landen just got crazy! We were studying at Barnes and Noble. We had had some great coffee and Stephen was letting out irritated deep sighs ... was restless because I was trying to refrain from talking and being distracted by people I knew and Landen was sitting in a chair doing everything but studying...laughing about things that were not even funny. I still do not know what possessed him but he slouched in his study chair, popped his foot in the air and announced "Everyone, keep your eye on the Foot!"...I couldn't believe this was real!!! Everyone indeed did look but no one laughed right away because I think they were trying to see if this was really happening. Many inquisitive looks. Stephen walked to the bathroom as I sat with my book over my face for what seemed like hours which was only really only a few moments of time...Landen sat back up in his chair and went into studying as if nothing had happened.

Looking back...I laugh...but at the time I was thoroughly embarrassed! I am so glad he did this now. When I am stressed like this I remember to stay focussed...Keep my eye on the foot!

...and as you can see we all made it through college!

Refusing Michael English's Autograph

2009-09-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

I was just talking with a friend and Marylou about amazing soloists of the past and Michael English came up! We loved him but before I appreciated his voice I was a humungous fan of Mark Lowry. My brother and I both were.

We were on family vacation...I think I was like 8 and Landen was 6...we saw on a sign where Mark Lowry was going to be where we were along with the Gaither Vocal Band (which Mark and Michael were both singing in). We were completely elated!!!

Mom and Dad took us! Before the service my Mom noticed that Mark was sitting on the back row in the auditorium, so she suggested my brother and I go get his autograph. By the time we reached Mark Lowry another man was sitting next to him. Quiet and shy little Landen stood behind me as I talked with Mark Lowry. We chatted about how we thought he was funny and being ministers kids and getting autographs...when Mark was finished signing our cards he began to hand the pen and cards to the man next to him asking us if we wanted his autograph as well...I said, "Oh no thank you! That's alright. We just wanted yours...thanks." and we returned to our parents and my mom and dad said something about, "That's pretty cool that you got both he and Michael's autograph! SO special!" I said, "No... we didn't get that other guy's autograph." We looked back in the auditorium and Mark was laughing at Michael. We had jsut refused Michael English's autograph!

Mice Droppings

2009-09-10T10:56:00.001-07:00

Today Johnny, Paige and I are cleaning out the modular where the mice have taken over! There are boxes full of mice droppings and it makes me sick. It also causes me to recall how much my brother HATED mice. When he and Joyanna moved into their little place in Albany, NY it was definitely rat infested. It was so bad that he told Joyanna they could get a cat to help the problem...AMAZING since he really didn't care for cats either.

The Saturday before Landen died he called me back after playing a week of phonetag for a 2 1/2 hour conversation. The entire time he was working at taking out the window airconditioning unit. I heard...ickk...ugh....ewww... and it was because mice had found their way into the unit and filled it with their wonderful droppings! So on top storing the airconditioner he had to clean it up...bless his heart.

I remember, as kids one time we were working/cleaning at the church. A little mouse scurried across the floor but all we saw was our mom on top of a chair screaming! We teased her about it forever. I don't know of very many people who do like mice other than on Disney cartoons.

Well, going back to clean the modular...

Do you know the Muffin-dog?

2009-09-08T07:22:00.000-07:00

This week I am a little dogsitting for some friends. This is not a new thing for me. Landen and I had a dog growing up and dogsat many other dogs. One dog in particular was Muffin. Muffin was a cute poodle/something…she was growing old and she was beginning to lose control of certain things. Everytime her owners would go out of town Landen and I would walk 6 blocks 3-4 times a day to check on little Muffin. It didn’t matter how many times we would check on the little rascal we would have several little logs to pick up and spots to clean on the lightly colored living room carpet. Disgusting! We got to where we detested even the thought of her owners going out of town! The whole job would put Landen and I in a grouchy mode…we would start arguing on our way out the door about who was going to take Muffin out and who was going to clean up the mess… when we arrived we made fun of the one who had to clean up the mess and on the way home we would laugh and create scenerios of what Muffin did when no one was home. It definitely was not the money for which we worked for…we had no idea that you should get paid for such jobs… I remember a couple of times we each got $5 for 4 days…funny...It all racks up as experience…but I’m glad to have had it like that because it taught us that it is not for money we serve or work for but for the satisfaction of a job well done and a need being met. Serving 101…and it was good for us.

* The picture shown is NOT Muffin but our beloved dog Col. McDuff. We got him around Laden's birthday 11 years ago. Landen loved McDuff.

A Snake

2009-09-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening I found myself walking down by the Tar River with a friend...I was talking and not paying attention to the ground as my friend was...all of a sudden she bolted ahead of me jumping and screaming... I paused and asked what..."You just stepped over a snake! A snake! It was green! It was a GREEN SNAKE!!!"

O...Landen would have been so very proud of me to have know that I had been in the presence of a snake and not panicked... of course I had not seen the snake...but it was still in my presence and I had not panicked!

When we lived in Scottbluff/Gering, Nebraska Landen and I would hike the Scottsbluff National Monument quite frequently. It was a pretty good little workout and we loved it. The only part we did not love was the snakes... Me because I could hardly stand to look at a picture in a book of a snake let alone see one for real and Landen because he got tired of me looking for snakes everytime I heard a little noise. We would be talking along and all of a sudden I would hear something...I would say, "shhh...did you hear that?" Landen would start to say, "Larissa, it is noth..." and I would hush him and promise I heard something not letting him speak until I saw what was making the noise. Then we would argue the rest of way up about how I was afraid and I needed to trust God with my life a little more..."Snakes are not looking for Larissa Reimer! Good grief, they are more afraid of you! Can you imagine?"..."Landen, you are just not aware of the dangers of life. I'm not untrusting...I'm cautious!"...and we would go back and forth and back and forth...ridiculous!...but funny to look back on. You know, I believe in all of the times we hiked around that area we saw only 3 or 4 snakes.

A little green purse...

2009-09-04T08:47:00.001-07:00

The purse which I am using on this crisp Fall day is the last gift given to me by Landen! It is a little green clutch. He was always famous for picking out the best handbags and accessories for me to try. I was never big on trying new things...especially in fashion stuff but Landen would buy me stuff to at least try ...and usually I would end up liking whatever it was. Thanks, pal!

I credit my drive to try new things to my brother:)

A Backyard Theme Park

2009-09-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

I am in between meetings in Raleigh...I find myself at Panera once again...a different one from Saturday...I am outside enjoying another delicious cup of coffee under an umbrella listening to traffic and two African American ladies chatting it up about detoxing. It's a wonderful afternoon, indeed!
There was one definite thing Landen and I differed on...we both loved the outdoors but he absolutly detested eating outdoors! He insisted that everytime you ate outside it began to rain or the wind picked up or the sun was so bright all you could do is squint or bugs would take over...there was ALWAYS something...so knowing how much both he and Joyanna loved eating outdoors I got them a picnic set for their wedding...complete with a beautiful basket!
I ... on the other hand LOVE to eat outdoors no matter what!
The only time I remember Landen loving to eat in the great outdoors was when we were little and we used to play Silver Dollar City outside with our foster brother and sister (William and Tricia). We would make believe our big red wagon was the trolley and take turns pulling William and Tricia up and down the big hill on Crook Street (in Falls City) while the other one of us would talk on the walkie talkie (the other one being in the wagon with our park guests)..."Welcome to Silver Dollar City"! We had memorized everything the tram drivers did complete with ..."Please wait until we say all ashore, folks...alright... all ashore." We developed rides on our swingset and treehouse...the American Plunge, Thunderation, even the Great Shootout... We would be blasting southern gospel music as to set the ambiance of Silver Dollar City and break out a sideshow every once in a while...Our backyard must have been a disaster to onlookers, but to us it was an AMAZING theme park! Our mom even got involved and served us Barbque Sandwhiches on the back deck. She was great to treat us like park guests...the best mom!
Yes, we would spend entire days playing this and we never tired of it!
My mom has pictures!

Little Things

2009-09-02T07:53:00.000-07:00

So…I was driving along and guess what? My earring just POPPED right out of my ear! That had not happened in quite a while…Landen believed I was the only one that could be wearing latched earrings that would POP out of my ear for no reason…he would have to spend countless moments helping me look for earrings I was sure I would never see again.He would try buying me special latch earrings for my birthday or whatever…but I had the same issue…over and over again.
Only a small thought…but it made me smile.
I am glad for even the small memories.
Each person leaves behind such a trail of memories. They are everywhere. They can be found in little events such as loosing an earring, drinking a latte or big events like birthday's and anniversaries. I suppose I should have begun this blog earlier in my grief but it seems timing is suited for now. My goal is to write as much as I am able in a year…we’ll see…

God is still present and I am thankful.

The Big Day

2009-09-02T07:47:00.000-07:00

September 1,2009 marks 2 years that Landen and Joyanna were married. I will never forget the beautiful day of my brother’s wedding and the wonderful lady that he married. We were in Corning, Iowa. I arrived in Iowa 2 days early to help prepare. We stayed with Rod and Lavaun (Joyanna’s parents) about 45 minutes from the town. Mom and Dad wanted to have a last little lunch before the BIG DAY. The morning of the rehearsal Landen decided he wanted to have a moment just the two of us before everything got chaotic… so we made plans to drive into town together…except in our chipper conversations we lost direction and ended up in the small town of “Clarinda”…I don’t remember how far out of the way…but plenty. We laughed and listened to Big Band music and caught up on life together… I miss that most of all…Landen had the gift of turning any little situation into a grand and glorious story.
Mom and Dad were staying in a mobile home park in their motorhome because there are not a lot of places to stay in Corning, Iowa! We made it to the park, still cheerfully conversating…walked up to what we thought was mom and dad’s place…pounded on the door and to our surprise a man with boxers grumpily answered the door… so astonished and amazed Landen and I speechlessly turned to one another…paused… then busted out in laughter! Unable to understand the situation because we were unable to explain the situation because of our embarrassment and laughter the man slammed the screen. We peered around the camper only to see our mom and dad walking our dog down the road to greet us!!! We all had a moment of explosive laughter. It took us a good 5 minutes to compose ourselves enough to recount the merry little tale.
Everything went so quickly…but everything so meaningful and beautiful…I could not hold back tears…mostly tears of joy. There is one scene which I will never forget. Although precious and priceless it was not the exchanging of the vows, nor the smirks of the groomsmen, nor was it even the look of pride and joy Landen had on his face as his bride strolled down the aisle…it wasn’t the carefully designed and detailed decorating, nor the priceless song Landen wrote and sang for Joyanna… no it was a moment caught by my mother…It is my picture for today and has become probably my favorite picture of Landen and I…
Pictures had been taken…the service was 15 mins away…and Landen and I were headed to the basement of the church to join the rest of the wedding party preparing to take their places.. we paused on the stairs and Landen laughed… he was happy..then he placed his arm around me and squeezed me so tightly I thought I would burst…then he cried…I cried…he told me he was so proud of me and I was priceless…he said “Larissa, I want you to experience this…and you will…I am so happy, scared, nervous, excited…so much!” ..we laughed…my mom was buzzing by snapping photos and she called for our attention…snapped the picture and was on her way…I had the opportunity before Landen let me go to say, “I’m proud of you, Landen! You’re the best brother and I know you’ll make the best husband. I love you!” and we parted.

One year ago...

2009-08-31T08:24:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you have soooo much to do but have asbsolutely NO ambition? Well, today is one of those days... I woke up and the rain was dripping slowly from the gray sky, my neck shot pain throughout my back and I desired to turn over and sleep the day away, yet a day off only comes once a week so I did not want to waste a moment...so I got up, read my devotions and still felt worn out...I thought maybe it was because yesterday was such a big day (which is why I did not blog) with all of the activities of he Tailgait Party at church or that the weather was making me somber...It wasn't until I was brewing some espesso that I discovered what just may be the issue of saddness...Today makes an entire year since I last saw my brother.

Landen and Joyanna came to visit me last year as part of thier first Anniversary trip. I was quite honored that they squeezed me into their itenary. It was only a couple night stay but we made the most of every moment. I showed them all around Roky Mount...which took all of one evening...then we were off to the outer banks on the most humidly hot weekend of the year! We ate fish, walked the beach, camped out, visited Roanoke Island and the Elizabethean Gardens and flew kites at Kitty Hawk. There were several negative parts about the little trip out of town but they made it all the more memorable. Along with it being a very hot weekend, peacocks pecked our tent and a large Hispanic family celebrated throughout the night so our sleep was slim... we bought marshmallows and chocolate striped cookies to make smores but were unable to make them because it did not cool down at night (in fact this summer I came across the marshmallows and made smores with some friends)...We wasted 2 hours at the Roanoke Island museum watching an informational video about Wanchese and Manteo rather than information about the Lost Colony and it rained the afternoon we went to the Elizabethean Gardens so Landen had to run all the way back to the car in pouring rain to retrieve umbrellas for us girls to enojy the rest of the sloshy afternoon. We did find some great places to dine and drink coffee along the beach and we discovered a new joy in flying kites. That Friday evening we flew kites for 3 hours at Kitty Hawk on the Dunes. Landen and I always enjoyed the idea of flying kites but were never able to keep the kite in the air longer than 20 seconds but the beach is the perfect place to fly kites...I wish I could find the video of us flying kites but sadly enough it could not be found...hopefully at a later time I will be able to post the video! We ran up and down the dunes, relaxed watching our kites in the air and giggled until we could no longer. I love that!

They left on a Sunday...but stayed so they could go to my church to see where I minister because that was important to them. That Sunday was Family Sunday and I baptized for the first time. I knew it was a huge honor for me but I never thought my brother saw it such as such great honor to be present and a part of this moment... until not long ago Joyanna told me that he mentioned several times how proud he was of me and how glad he was able to be there and be a part of my life. My brother forever thought I was the best...for whatever reason...but isn't it great to have at least one person in your life who thinks you can do anything and be wonderful at everything ...even if it is not true? I think so...and now you understand why it pains my heart so deeply that my brother is gone... but God is good to be my ever present help in trouble, to comfort me with his Holy Spirit and surround me in the love of people. I am thankful...even if Landen is never replaced...I have hope. Hope in Jesus and hope that I will see Landen again...soon I trust...and sometimes I imagine singing and worshipping in heaven, exploring the wonders to show me later and sometimes I even imagine him flying kites like we did a year ago at Kitty Hawk.

And I pen from Panera today...

2009-08-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

I am at Panera today...one of our favorite places to go. There is something about Panera's Hazelnut Coffee that recalls warm thoughts, strips away any pain from the heart and speeds up the day. I had alot to do today so here I am.

Panera was always our meeting place. We tried to study there multiple times in college, but because our schedules were so tight and we rarely recieved the oppportunity to hang out ..."studytime" soon became "chattertime"...Landen and I always had something to chat about. When we were not chatting we met new people. I remember this one night while we were "studying" at the Panera on National in Springfield ( near downtown)... we met a little, old lady. She was short with dark hair and a pinched face. She was very bitter and pesimistic. We began talking to her about her day...which was of course "awful" ...then we went into discussing life...Landen and I were able to share some life with her and she miraculously smiled. Come to find out she was just a lonely little lady and we filled one evening with some friendship! My heart is still warmed by occasions such as these.

Landen's usual was an orange scone with hazelnut coffee...mine was a cinnamon crunch bagel with hazelnut coffee...I am still known to order a cinnamon crunch bagel and a coffee in a real mug...

Post-college...Panera served as our meeting place. Time froze and happiness reigned always. I remember last summer I met Landen and Joyanna in Baltimore. We spent a good hour tracking down a Panera for breakfast. I said many times, "O, it's not that big of a deal." and Landen insisted "You wanted to eat at Panera and we ARE going to find it, Riss. It's not that big of a deal." ..and by George, we sure did! ...actually the picture for today is from that beautiful morning where we sang" Good morning, Baltimore" in Baltimore, Maryland and much laughter filled the air! I love memories as these...there are so many. Everytime I laugh or enjoy a moment I think of how proud Landen would be...but I can't help but have the thought that it would only be better with him present...he was the very best brother and friend...but all is well as I pen this from Panera today.

God is faithful.

Little Entrepreneurs

2009-08-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

Today I am venturing out with our intern Paige Osborne to ask for donations for the Fall Family Festival and it brings to mind the many times in our childhood when Landen and I went door to door selling items or asking pledges for numerous things. We started out absolutely loving the job of going door to door thinking we had the most important job in the world… We were quite the entrepreneurs…whether it was for missions or ourselves (Olympia Sales) we were bound and determined to make a fortune some way or another.
Our first selling experience was fruit. We had to take over this Fruit Fundraiser because the youth were not doing their job to sell for Speed the Light (missions)…so the task was placed upon Landen and I and our two cousins Stephen and Shane…and yes the four of us young ones (ages 6,8,and 10) sold more than the entire youth group! We felt entirely victorious…so we took on other jobs... bike-a-thons, Christmas Cards, Christmas Ornaments, walk-a-thons, Calendars, Cookbooks, Candybars…you name it, we tried to sell it for missions.
For a while Landen and I sold for Olympia Sales for our own income. We got to keep $2 from each item that we sold. We would usually sell in the Spring and the Fall…that way we had money for Christmas presents and vacation! Of course, Mom and Dad taught us to lay out our tithe and a portion we gave to BGMC (missions). Although we passionately enjoyed selling door to door (cold or heat) we were not into pressuring people to buy or support. We had an entire little sales pitch to throw out. Landen would say, “Hello. We were just wandering if you would be interested in buying something from our magazine.” Then I would take over and talk about the magazine and all of its great products. The people would usually invite us in and we would make a new friend or two, then they would make their purchase (because face it…who could resist?)…and we would be on our way. However I remember at this one lady’s house I decided to mix up our little pitch a pinch…Landen gave his short, friendly welcome then I said, “Here you can look through our magazine and see if there is any junk you would like to purchase”…the lady smiled and suggested the we may not sell too many items if we call it junk! However she agreed to look through the magazine and ended up finding some sort of “junk" to purchase.

Later on, Landen and I made it a pact to always make a purchase from children selling things door to door and I believe I have stuck to that and I will continue.

Some good Old Country Music

2009-08-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

When I hopped into my car to venture to work this morning country music sang through the speakers of my car...only because last night I took my CD into my house and the station had been set to country(?)..but it made me smile as my memory led me to the many times Landen made me smile by singing some cheesey country song with a twang or such nonsense.
Landen's friend, Nicholas Glore(who LOVES the country and its music) and he would pull some pretty great duets. We loved to go this theme park called "Silver Dollar City" in Branson , Missouri (which we later worked for)...especially at Christmastime. It was a theme park with music shows and ambiance from a hundred years ago. One weekend evening while in college...right before Christmas break...I remember agreeing to meet up with those guys at Silver Dollar City. As I walked into the park I remember walking up on a small crowd of people encompassing...yes... Landen and Nick...they were singing some country Christmas carols and getting quite a response! Come to find out...they had been doing this all day long throughout the park and all throughout the evening as well (against my wishes). At one point, Landen took me by surprise...grabbed my arm to spin me out and I lost my footing and fell on the ground!
We laughed...and laughed...and laughed...

Hello...

2009-08-26T12:52:00.001-07:00

It is Wednesday...so this must be a quick thought...Wednesday's are always ridiculously busy! Landen and I tried to chat at least once a day....however we rarely caught hold of one another because we each had such crazy schedules but we would ALWAYS leave a message. Some messages would be just"I guess you must be busy right now... but when you get a chance give me a call. I love you and hope to talk to you soon!" or we'd tell the entire story of what we were going to tell in person on the phone calling back multiple times to finishthe story...Landen did not have as much patience for multiple phone calls as I did. I enjoyed calling back 3 or 4 times to finish a story but by the third phone call Landen would say "Good grief! ...I'll just talk to you later...love you!"
Landen would pick at me because he said the message would ussually cut into me finishing a melody of some sort that I had been humming or singing while waiting for his usual ridiculously long or absurd voicemail message to end so I could leave my message. He said it always made him smile...but the sweeter part is I didn't even know that it picked me up at all until about 2 years ago I answered the phone finishing a little melody and he laughed and laughed... so much he could barely speak (he must have been tired!)...and when he finally pulled himself together he said that this happens quite frequently with me! Haha...I wonder how many people's voicemails have recieved my melody leftovers? We both laughed until we cried.
Landen's voicemail messages always cracked ME up...but those can be an entirely different day's blog:)...ending conversations on the phone could be a whole other blog as well. Sometimes it would take 30 mins to an hour to end a conversation! The Saturday before he left us all we were on the phone for 2 1/2 hours ...and the 1/2 part was us saying goodbye:) We would always think of one more thing to say and then we'd say, "Well, I suppose...I should let you go..." then another thing would pop up! I think everyone who has someone close they talk to on the phone can identify with that:)
Well, I love you...and good bye...

The Reuniting

2009-08-25T13:11:00.000-07:00

This Christmas I stumbled across this precious photo of Landen and I. My dad felt the need to frame it for me, so it now sits in my Living Room to remind me I will see Landen again someday soon. One may look at this picture and assume it was taken years and years ago but it was taken only 20 years ago in front of my dad's old chevy truck. It was an unforgetable moment of reuniting!
At the age of 2 1/2 I remember the day Landen was born. March 1, 1985. I remember holding his little warm body with the help of my dad, then later getting donuts with Dad and Grandma Reynolds while we let Landen and Mom "rest". Even with the superb idea of eating donuts with Dad and Grandma I had a difficult time leaving the hospitol. I felt such a great sense of responsiblity for my new baby brother and I didn't want anything to harm him. Many of you may not know but my brother nearly died at birth. The doctor and my dad prayed over him and he was made well! He was a miracle from the beginning! The Lord knew I needed a brother like Landen and the world needed a man like him as well.
Not long ago I was sitting in another funeral where I heard, "A life is not measured with time but impact." Landen left an incredible impact upon so many lives...the greatest in mine and I am so thankful God saw fit that Landen was my brother.

So...as you can see we were close siblings from DAY1. I helped feed and care for him, corrected him when he chose to suck his fingers, spoke for him and taught him everything I thought he needed to know. We were inseparable buddies! Then when I was 4 and he was 2 my grandparents asked me to go on a vacation with them to Michigan. I loved to travel...and still do...so with my parents' permission I went. I don't remember how long I was gone but I rememebr learning that napping in the car makes the time go by faster for long trips, painting toenails with my Aunt Debbie and hanging out with my cousin Stephen...but most of all I remember reuniting with my brother. I missed him so much. The trip had been so much fun but would have been even better with the presence of my little buddy. What I didn't know is how much more Landen missed me. Mom said every time the trains would pass Landen would run to the window, peer through the curtains and watch for me to return. Many days passed and Landen ran to the window, peered through the curtains and saw my grandparents' silver Buick pull into the driveway. A little boy with very words simply expressed his sheer happiness by jumping up and down several times, then running out the door to greet his sister. Hugs and happiness were overflowing that day of reuniting!

Now, it is my turn to be left behind and I wait...maybe not running to the window and peering through the curtains at the sound of every train whistle...but I wait. I wait to see Landen again. He is with Jesus now and I know he is having the time of his life in heaven, scoping out all the places to go and things to do so that we do not waste a moment (he was ALWAYS big on that!). It will be an excellent reuniting...and I can't wait!
...I won't need another picture either because after that day there will be no more parting!

a little introduction...

2009-08-24T11:01:00.001-07:00

Almost a year ago I lost my best friend in the whole entire world...my brother. Landen (age 23)died mid-October of 2008 of heart arithmea/cardiac arrest. My heart still aches missing him but I am thankful that I know we loved one another very much and we had the best adventures together. I look forward to reuniting with him in heaven, but until then I know God has a plan for life. I will be faithful until that time.

This blog is to recall all of the AMAZING adventures God graced me with my brother, Landen!